buzzcut season

5.

I sneak into the apartment a bit before work.

I turn around after shutting the door to see Luka sitting at the table.

"Oh no not this again. Please don't tell me you two did it again."

"No," Luka says. His dark hair is a ragged mess. "Mal had work and figured you would sneak back in."

"Oh so you two are keeping in touch?"

"Koda I get your pissed but shut the hell up for a moment."

"You shut the hell up," I bark back. "You're in my god damn apartment. You fucked my best friend after you disappeared for three years and then tried to cover it all up by lying."

He just glared at me.

"And I don't know why the hell she sent you to do all the begging. You're the most stubborn piece of shit I know."

"Me? You're way worse!"

"We're not talking about me right now." I turn around and cross my arms. "We're talking about you fucking up and apologizing."

"Apologizing?!"

"Oh yes, must be so difficult," I snort sarcastically. "If you're not even going to try then get out. Why are you even here? Just to defend yourself?"

One thing Luka could never do, admit he's wrong and apologize. Unfortunately, I'm the same way so growing up we fought a lot. Like a lot. Mal was always the messenger who would run across the black top to give us messages we were too mad to tell each other face to face.

He stays holding eye contact at me.

This is the most I've seen him and three years. He's definitely changed. Taller, stronger, jaw more defined, tattoos on the hands and I'm assuming on his arms. His blue eyes look duller then I remember but it might just be because he's pale and has dark bags under his eyes. He looks a little lifeless.

And attractive.

He speaks after we hold eye contact for an abnormal amount of time. As if he's observing how much I've changed as well.

"Mal just told me to tell you to come home."

Maybe for once he's the messenger.

I sigh before waking into my room and searching for my white shirt. I end up finding my pants on the floor and throwing those on before I I go to find my white shirt.

I walk around shirtless till I find my shirt on the couch.

Luka continues to stare. He hasn't left yet.

"Whatcha waiting for?" I ask, raising an eyebrow as I start to button up my shirt.

"You have a job?"

"Yes," I say sharply. "Otherwise I wouldn't be back in this dump."

I say it as if I hate this place. I love it here. This shitty little apartment and the shitty ass landlord, Dave. He hates me a lot.

It's silent as I button up my shirt. Then I look around for my tie.

"Why haven't you visited if you live here again?" I say as I dig through the blankets on the couch.

I look up at him and he shrugs. Which just gets me angry all over again.

"God forbid you have a reason, anything," I mutter as I find my tie.

I just continues to stare till his eyes fall on my hand.

"You didn't have that on Saturday. What did you do?"

"Non of your business. Now can you get out? I've gotta leave and I'm not leaving you alone in this apartment."

I hate growing up.

Once upon a time I'd have Mal and Luka over for an entire week and they'd just roam the house like it's there's. My parents didn't care, probably didn't even notice. Luka's dad was always relieved when his son wasn't home, he didn't care or ever worry what the reason. And Mal, like me, had too busy parents to be concerned.

Ten years later we all grew up with a fuck ton of emotional issues.

When I realize we're both staring again I snap.

"What the fuck! Just get out already!"

I glare at him. He nods his head before getting up and leaving.

I turn around and face the window as I tie my tie till I hear the door shut. Then I fight the urge to punch the wall again.

I hate that he disappeared for three years. I hate that he returned and fucked my best friend. I hate that he's lived here for god knows how long and hasn't called or anything. I hate that I care so much more about this then he does.

Does he not care about me? Does nothing matter to him?

Why can't anybody just care about me?

Not even Mal.

And then with much regret, I turn and punch the wall out of frustration, with the same hand.

Dakota: yeah I think I need x-rays
Kate: I'll be there in ten

My shirts only half buttoned up and my tie hangs loosely around my neck as I lean against the wall and slowly slide onto the floor. I sigh and then clench my eyes shut from the pain.

I don't know what hurts the most right now.