buzzcut season

23.

I'm already so exhausted of parties this week.

They aren't fun without drinking. At least at Andrea's birthday party it was smaller and mainly just her friends but this party is a lot, a lot of people.

I don't recognize anyone. Everyone's drunk and in costume.

Elle next to me is dressed as Dwight from the office. I'm not dressed up. As much as Elle begged me to, I couldn't. Not only do I not want to be here but going in a stupid costume? No way in Hell.

"Isn't Myah here?"

Speaking of Hell...

"Don't think I'd ever be able to find her," I say. The house is pretty big but nothing from what I've grown up in.

It's a pretty modern home. Glass stairs, white everything and black floors. The outside looks like a white blocky looking house, it's too odd to explain but just modern.

"Smile would you?" Elle says to me.

I weakly smile and she just laughs.

"I won't leave your side if you don't want me to."

"Okay."

"We can leave in a bit I just want to hangout for a little while. Let's go find Andrea and maybe Myah."

Let's not find Myah.

We walk through the home and people fill the place like ants. They stand all stand around with red solo cups in hand.

I can already see a stain on one of the white couches.

Maybe I'll just grab a drink. Just one. Maybe I'll tell Elle not to let me have any more then just one.

I can smell alcohol and everyone around me holds it in their hands.

Just one drink.

So what, I can drink responsibly. Before I was drinking to ignore my issues but now, I don't have any. My dad said he'd take away the apartment but if I'm drinking maturely it'd be fine. Besides, I never see him.

Somehow in seconds I've convinced myself to drink again.

Elle has found some girl she's giggling with and I pay no attention. Out of boredom of not wanting to listen to her girl chats all night long I leave to go find something to drink.

I end up finding a friend of mine I shared a class with last year. He hands me his drink and walks away before seeing my face after taking a sip.

Oh my god what have I done.

I'm willing to throw away my whole life and apartment to drink.

I start to lose track a time and get distracted talking with people I've never met. The night feels a little better and I start to miss my old habits.

I recognize orange hair in a crowd of people so I walk up to see that I was right, it's Phoenix.

"Koda," she smiles and hugs me and she quickly moved away. "God you smell like alcohol."

Her eyes flicker to the cup in my hand and she nearly smacks it away.

"God dammit Koda," she says. "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," I frown. 

I feel myself be ripped away from Phoenix and suddenly I can't see the orange headed girl through the crowd, I turn around to see a girl and almost pass out.

Mal.

I rip my hand out of her grasp and stare at her.

Why is she here? Why is she near me?