Glass Hearts (An Austin Carlile Story)

Repeating Apologies

I walked the beach in silence, feeling the sand between my toes, and the freezing cold water racing over my feet. Austin and I had just got into our first real argument. I couldn't believe I found texts between him and that stupid Chrissy girl in his phone.

Why was she texting him? Sending him winky faces and sexual looking selfies. I was furious and I had every right to be.

He had only texted her back a few times saying hey and making small talk, but still. If she was sending him all of that shit why wouldn't he have blocked her number?

My phone vibrated repeatedly in my pocket but I ignored it. I knew it would be Austin. I told him to go home before I stormed out of the door, not even bothering to put on shoes, and came to the only place I know can calm me down, the beach. The anger wouldn't subside. It had to have been hours ago now but I still felt like there was someone tearing a whole in the pit of my stomach, like my brain was on fire. How could he not even tell me about it? Does he think I'm stupid? Is he hiding other things from me?

The tears finally came all at once, pouring down my face. My heart was breaking inside of my chest. I wanted to find her and rip her pretty little face off. How can someone have so much disrespect?

I climbed up into a pile of boulders that sat at the edge of the ocean and pulled my knees up to my chest. Tears were falling at full force down my face as I struggled to wipe them away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

I must have walked for a really long time because I didn't recognize this part of the beach at all. It was absolutely breath taking. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks calmed me down, as the tears slowly began to stop. A calmness took over my body as I took in deep breaths of the ocean air.

I groaned in frustration as my phone began to vibrate again violently. I reached in my pocket not even, bothering to look at who was calling, and swiped right to answer the call. "WHAT?" I asked sternly.

"Everyone is looking for you..." It was Jamie.

"I'm fine."

"Autumn, Austin wouldn't cheat on you. He knows he fucked up by not blocking her number. He's sorry. Please come back home."

"Oh now he's trying to bring my friends into this? Are you serious?"

"He's just worried about you Aum. With everything that's been going on can you blame him?"

I shook my head in frustration even though she couldn't see it over the phone. "I'm fine. Everyone needs to get off my fucking back. You are all driving me fucking crazy."

With that I hung up and jumped off the boulders, making my way towards where I had come from. Maybe I was overreacting just a bit but I didn't care. It was bullshit that he let that shit go on. I couldn't help but think that maybe he enjoyed the attention. I've been so shitty lately that maybe he was losing interest in me. He had been spending more and more time out with his friends and at the studio the past week. It was really making me worried.

I finally reached a part in the beach that I recognized. I was about a mile away from the entrance to get to my house. I picked up my pace just wanting to get home and crawl in bed. It was only three in the afternoon but I just wanted to wallow in my own self pity.

I felt my phone vibrating again in my pocket and I sighed, taking the time to actually look at the number this time. It was a number I didn't recognize. "Uhm hello?"

"Hi is this Autumn Grey?"

"Yes..."

"Hi Autumn, this is Lucy with Western Medical Center. Sorry for taking so long to get back to you, our labs were really backed up. We just got your results in and were wondering if you could stop by for an appointment tomorrow?"

"I might have to move some things around at work but sure," I said nervously biting at my nails. What could they possibly want me to go in for? What was wrong with me?

"Okay we will see you at 9AM tomorrow morning."

I hung up the phone and drew a deep breath in before quickly dialing Jamie's number. She answered after a few rings.

"I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

"It's okay. I understand. Are you okay?"

I started to sob trying to control my breathing. "The doctors office just called and said my blood work came back. They wouldn't tell me over the phone. I have to go in tomorrow for an appointment. I'm freaking the fuck out. What is wrong with me Jamie?"

"Autumn, I'm sure you're going to be fine. Try not to freak out about it."

"How can I not freak out about it? They don't just not tell you things over the phone for the hell of it! What if I have cancer or something is seriously wrong with me?"

"Stop assuming the worst. You'll find out tomorrow. I'm sure everything will be okay. Do you want me to come over?"

"Is Austin still at my house?"

"Uh... I think him and Aaron are there. They just got back from searching the beach for you..."

I groaned. "I'm about to be at my house. I'll text you later okay?"

I hung up the phone and walked up to my front porch where Austin and Aaron were both sitting with beers in their hands. "I thought I asked you to leave."

"I can't leave when you're mad at me," Austin said glancing at the ground.

I crossed my arms and stared at him. "Why wouldn't you delete her contact and block her Austin?"

"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry."

"How am I supposed to know that nothing is going on between the two of you? You were together in the past. Do you miss her?"

"I love you. I never loved her. She was a cheating whore. You are everything to me. I would never throw you away for anything, especially for her." He stood up and walked over to me trying to put his arms around me but I backed up.

"I just need to think for a while. Can you please just leave me alone. I'll call you in the morning and you can come over then. I just want to be alone right now."

He nodded and walked up to me again, planting a small kiss on my forehead. "I love you."

I nodded and walked inside, locking the door behind me. I slid down the door and hugged my knees. Why did the doctors office choose today to finally call me? I don't think I was even mad at Austin anymore, I was just angry with life. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. No more tears would come out. I was just numb. Everyone always says they wish they could just be numb but not me. Numb is the worst kind of feeling in the entire world. Numb to me meant doing things just to make myself feel.

Searches for an hour for the perfect picture of Austin. Gives up and picks the first one I see. Yolo.

BUMBUMBUMMMM...