Glass Hearts (An Austin Carlile Story)

Save Your Scissors

Warning: Sexual content.

I needed a cigarette after writing this. Holy Jesus. (;

&&

I quickly pulled my arm away and shoved my sleeve back down. "I fucked up. It won't happen again."

"What do you mean you fucked up?" Austin pulled my chin up to look at him. His brown puppy dog eyes looked so sad it made my heart physically hurt.

"There's a lot about my past that I haven't told you," I admitted. "I prefer to keep most things in the past or just forget about them all together."

"I don't care what things you have in the past, the past is the past, and that doesn't matter to me, but if its something that is eating away at you. That is making you do this shit," he pulled my arm up, "then you need to talk to someone about it."

"I'm pretty fucked in the head Austin. The things that I think aren't normal. The dreams that I have aren't normal. I was fine for the past two years. I had gone through extensive therapy and just about every antidepressant known to man. I guess going back and seeing my dad, having all those memories flood back and in big swoop, it fucked me up all over again. I had a complete break down a few days after you left, that's when I did this... I just... sometimes I just have so much emotion bottled up inside that I can't cry, I can't scream, I can't sleep, I just feel completely numb to the world... and I just have to feel..."

"So you do this..." Austin whispered, now running his fingers over the old scars on my arm that he must have never noticed, or chose not to mention. I saw nothing but saddness and fear crossing over his eyes, and I watched as a tear slipped out.

"Austin please don't," I whispered wiping the tear from his cheek. "It won't happen again. I promise."

"I know that promises don't mean much when it comes to selfharm," he said sadly and kissed my forehead. I nodded knowingly and starred down at Austin's tattooed fingers still running over my scars. "Let me try this again then... I can't promise that it won't happen again because I never know when I'm going to completely lose it and slip up, but I do promise that I will try my hardest to not do it, and I promise that I will start talking to you more about the things that bother me, rather than keeping them hidden inside."

His hand ran up my arm to my cheek, cupping my face in his large hand. "That's all I ask for." He kissed me softly before pulling me against him. I breathed in the sent of him, instantly calming down. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

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I watched Austin as he watched Star Wars on the large flat screen. He mouthed along to every other word, causing me to laugh. He still didn't take his eyes away from the screen. I trailed my fingers over his chest and stomach, tracing over his tattoos. This was supposed to be my time, not Star Wars time.

I slid my hand down the front of his basketball shorts, finally getting his attention. "What are you doing?" He asked with a smirk, not taking his eyes away from the TV.

"Oh nothing," I whispered innocently placing kisses down his chest, leaving my hand resting just inside his shorts. I felt him draw in a deep breath and looked up to see his eyes still attached to the screen.

I rolled my eyes and slid down, trailing small kisses from hip to hip. His breathing began to shorten and he finally looked down at me. "Babe I'm trying to watch this," he groaned tucking hair behind my ear.

"And I'm trying to please my boyfriend." I smirked up at him and pulled his shorts and boxers down, reviling his hard member. "And obviously someone wants it."

I watched as Austin licked his lip before biting it. I took him in my hand and licked up his shaft causing a small moan to escape his lips. I smirked and moved my lips so I could suck over his tip, feeling him harden more around my lips. His hands flew to my hair as I began bobbing up and down, humming over his member. A moan escaped his lips as he lightly tugged on my hair, I pulled away and smirked. "Do I have your attention now?"