Glass Hearts (An Austin Carlile Story)

I am an ocean, I am the sea

I paddled out until the ocean was smooth and sat up on my board to watch the sunrise. I needed the peace of just the ocean and me and no other distractions. Sleep wasn't an option after Austin had asked me to go on tour with him. It was a lot to think about. I wanted the time to spend with him, I'd love nothing more than that, but I also had so much to do at home. I had a book full of clients and an animal to take care of.

The thought of leaving everything behind to travel the country for two months was exciting but also very scary. Every day I'm with him I get more and more scared of the inevitable. I know he will leave me soon enough. I know that I can't make him happy when I can't even make myself happy. How can you love someone so much when you can't even love yourself?

I wiped the tears from my eyes and paddled to catch a few waves. Nothing could ever beat the adrenaline of riding a perfect wave. It's like you are one with the ocean. Nothing can destroy you. I wish I could spend every waking moment feeling the way I felt in the water.

After the sun came fully up I decided I should probably go back. Austin was probably wondering where I was. I paddled back to shore and tucked my board under my arm beginning the short walk back to my house. I put my board in the garage and walked into the living room.

Austin looked up from the couch, looking slightly angry. "Where the hell were you? I tried calling but you left you phone here. I was so worried!"

"I couldn't sleep so I decided to go surf... I'm sorry..."

He stood up from the couch, the anger fading quickly, and wrapped his arms around me, ignoring the fact that I was soaking his dry clothes. "Don't be sorry. Next time leave a note or something so I don't have to worry..."

"I'm not used to having to tell people where I'm going."

"I understand."

I nodded and clung tightly to him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Autumn." He kissed my wet hair before pulling back to look at me. "What's bothering you?"

I shook my head. "Let me shower first and then we'll talk okay?"

He frowned but let go of me so I could go take a shower. I grabbed some comfy clothes out my room before heading to the bathroom to wash the beach off my body.

I quickly dried myself off and brushed my teeth and hair before slipping into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I rubbed at my sleepy eyes looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were sunken in beyond belief. I was starting to look like a meth head from lack of sleep.

I walked into the kitchen to find Austin cooking french toast and eggs for breakfast. I walked over to him snaking my arms around him and resting my head tiredly on his back. He rubbed my hands and let out a deep breath. "Feeling any better?"

"Mmmh," I mumbled. "I will once I have this yummy food in my tummy."

He turned around and handed me a cup of coffee off of the counter. "I know how much you love your coffee so I wanted to have one waiting for you."

"Thank you," I forced a smile and tiptoed to give him a soft kiss.

Austin's POV

"Go sit down and I'll bring you your food," I said kissing her nose.

Her fake smile wasn't fooling me. She wasn't happy and it was eating away at me. I need the sweet happy girl that I fell in love with back. Just looking at her made my heart ache. She looked so broken and fragile. She looked like she hadn't slept properly in weeks and she was skin and bones from hardly ever eating.