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Every step was leaden.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Vernon's eyes flickered to me every now and then, but mostly, no one really paid attention. My head rested in my hands, and I stared emptily at the table in front of me. Too much. Too fast. It had all been too fast.
A few other racers were grouped at the table away from mine, Vernon being one of them, but despite their invitations, I didn't join them. Though I knew I should have been trying to get my mind off things, it was much too hard. No matter what I did, the memories hit me like a fresh wave of icy water every time I drifted off. Every time I closed my eyes, his face burned at the back of my eyelids.
I abandoned them.
That's why they were here, weren't they?
I was all alone at the table, even though empty seats rested on either side of me, and invariably the front. They were here. How could I have missed it?
Panic rose in my throat, again, but I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed back the building scream, letting my head fall into my arms.
I'll find you again.
The context was entirely different this time, yet fear burned along with the same familiar longing in my chest. I had too much connected with Daejong—I had lost too much, and that was why I was here, to move on. But I couldn't. I couldn't. I never was any good at moving on.
From what? I wasn't sure. The good part, or the bad?
I lifted my head and took a deep breath, letting my fingertips run across the cold, metallic edge of the zipper down the front of my jacket. That was what I needed. I needed to wake up.
And when I thought I would finally be able to forget.
I glanced up. A shadowed figure stood at the door a few feet into the room, away from the crowd. No one else would be in any mood to be pulled away from company, so it was obvious who it was.
As I stared, the figure rested a hand on the side of the doorway, a cigarette dangling from between the long fingers. Though I couldn't see the face, I knew the person was looking at me.
Then he turned, and walked out of the door outside.
I hesitated, freezing in my seat. It was a clear indication that the figure wanted me to follow, but I didn't know if I was in any shape to talk, much less go where my expressions were in full scrutiny.
