twenty nine

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I’m barely breathing
like I forgot how

I’m barely breathinglike I forgot how

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“So when did this start?”

“This kind of thing doesn't have a definite start or end, you know,” Baekhyun said as I got in next to him, his hands loose around the steering wheel. “It's been on for as long as I can remember.”

I nodded even though I didn't understand, strapping myself to the seat since I didn't very well trust him with driving. “How long have you been here? In this mess, I mean. You can't be very old if you started college just this year…” I trailed off as realisation hit me. Even when I had sort-of trusted him, it was still obvious that he was a freshman at the same age as me, which was a year later than usual. And I hadn't even realised.  “Oh god.”

He looked over at me, raising his eyebrow slightly. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly. “So...how long?”

“Hard to remember, but around sixteen, I think.” He scrunched up his nose slightly, as if trying to recall. The wire-rimmed glasses were on again, but now they just looked strange on him. Earlier, they'd given off a bookworm-ish look, but now they just made him look sinister, or deadly. “So, three years?”

I looked out of the window as he started the car, feeling weird about the whole situation. Here I was, disliking him but also liking him, his dry personality, his unaffectedness, the way he reminded me of home. In a good way, and a bad way. Still, our conversation was mostly normal—as normal as it could be, anyway—with as little hostility as possible.

It was probably his way of doing things, I decided. No matter how uncomfortable he made me, he still, in his own way, tried to keep things as casual and light as possible. So it had been when we were partners. So it was now that we were jailer-and-convict.

“Don’t you think they'll try looking for me even now?” I muttered, my hands fluttering over the seatbelt slightly. “I don't think they'd be too scared of you all, especially since they didn't hesitate in the chase when I was with Jinyoung.”

He smiled a little, but it looked strained. “Jinyoung is a hitman. He's still predictable. And the bikers would be pretty hard to deal with for a person like that. I've been with them too, you know.” He looked at me sideways for a moment. “Do you remember them following you when you switched to Taeyong's car? He's a mystery to them, so they wouldn't try to mess with him.”

The unexpected mention of Taeyong's name sent a jolt up my spine. “I don't get it,” I said, slowly. “Wouldn't they know your strategy? The way your mind works? As far as I know, I'm with you for the next few days.”

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