Bring Me Home // Phan

85

Dan's POV

"Tell me about your eating habits, Dan." The dietician held a pen in their hand, poised to write.

"I usually have a meal a day. And an apple in the mornings to stop my stomach..." My voice drifted away as I saw them taking notes.

"What do you have for your meal?"

"It depends on the day how much I can have. Sometimes a sandwich, sometimes a stew. On good days, I'll have a cooked meal."

"Did you try having a takeaway like I challenged you last time?"

"I did."

"And how did that go?"

"I ate it. I enjoyed it. I just couldn't bear the thought of it in me."

"You got rid of it?"

I nodded, looking away.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." They said earnestly. "It's not an easy process. But as long as you want to get better, you can. Do you want to?"

I didn't know.

"So how are you doing?" My therapist asked me the next day.

"Fine." I replied, sitting down. What was I supposed to say?

"Have you harmed yourself at all this week?"

Of course. I nodded.

"Why was that?"

"I don't know. I guess... I guess I was mixed up in my thoughts. Feeling empty. Wanting to feel something."

They wrote something down, and moved on.

"How are the voices? Are they getting worse?"

Gr-They're getting angry at me. I don't know what I did. They hate me. And Olive and Martha keep telling me to do random stuff. Like tearing off my bandages and kicking the door."

"Do you listen?"

"I pulled off my bandages. But I wasn't entirely with it. Phil said I had an episode."

"What happened when you had this episode?"

I saw black liquid, and rats. And the walls were closing in on me. The voices were really loud, and I couldn't block them out. I- I saw Phil. He was angry. Now... I'm not sure who's real and who's in my mind."

"Do you take your pills when the hallucinations are bad?"

"Yes."

"Do they help? Are they enough?"

Yes.

"Yes."

The Dr. talked to me about everything under the sun, until the alarm finally signaled the end of our session.

She handed me a prescription and a bottle as I stood up to leave.

The prescription told me they were pills for anger.

Damn her.

Phil was waiting for me as I got outside, greeting me with a hug.

I didn't tell him about the new pills.

I didn't need them anyway.

I don't have anger issues.