Tip Rats

Part 10 - Blueing

A rush of people towards the front doors interrupted Ned's inspired musing as he was involuntarily gathered up and ushered to the fringe of the crowded doorway where he could hear Krystal screeching profanities from somewhere near the epicentre. He rose-up on his toes and could see it was Krystal's plain-clothed, potato-faced companion in battle with a Jedi that had drawn the throngs. His sisters' lummox had removed his shirt to fully display the ill-conceived tribal and postcode tattoos that adorned his chub.

Krystal was screaming like a redneck at Wrestlemania, 'Smash him, Nath! Fuck 'im up!'

To Ned the fight resembled a couple of five year olds grappling over a toy far more than a pair of proud pugilists, though he was sure both combatants would tell otherwise tomorrow. It wasn't long before Indiana Jones and Austin Powers stepped in to end the fracas, dragging the Jedi inside and informing Nath that he could fuck off. As the crowd began filing back inside, Ned walked toward the roadside where his sister was standing.

'Krystal!' Ned yelled.

Krystal was holding Nath's discarded shirt, while he strutted and postured in front of the pub doors like a rutting, arsehole gorilla.

'Krystal!' Ned yelled again. Krystal turned her head and looked at her brother, 'what the fuck was that about?'

'That dickhead was giving Nathan shit about not being dressed up,' Krystal replied.

'Who is this bloke? Where'd you find him?' asked Ned pointing at the oaf pacing the sidewalk.

'He's my boyfriend.'

'Seriously? He seems like a pretty massive wanker, you need to be a bit more selective Krystal.'

'Fuck off,' Krystal replied, she then called out to Nathan who was still huffing shirtless by the roadside. 'Let's go somewhere else' she suggested, handing Nathan his shirt 'this place is full of wankers anyway.'

As his sister led her boyfriend away Ned called out, 'Krystal...you can probably do better than that prick,' Nathan swung around and gave Ned his best menacing glare. Ned responded with a middle-finger salute as his sister dragged Nathan up the street.

Ned was now feeling the full effects of his binge and wobbled back into the pub. He pressed himself into the wall and scanned the room, looking for a familiar face which was proving to be difficult as he struggled to steady his focus. Ned felt as though his head was floating a metre above his neck, he needed to sit, he slid along the wall until he reached a vinyl sofa. The sofa was occupied by a couple aggressively dry-rooting but they were too busy to notice Ned squeezing himself onto the arm. His costume sunglasses helpfully hid his less than pristine condition for a time, until a sudden uprush of imbibed beverage made its way out of Ned and onto the floor beside the tastefully cheap sofa. Ned was fairly confident that his indiscretion had gone unnoticed but still felt it best to vacate the immediate area. It wouldn't be a problem, the floor was wooden and the furniture was vinyl upholstered for a reason. Ned waded through the crowd, hoping to spot Andy, or at least Chris. The floor was now a sea of wet, dirty paper, broken glass and discarded costume items. Ned could feel another king-tide rushing up his oesophagus and managed to contain it inside his mouth. With his lips shut tight as possible and his cheeks bulging like an autumn squirrel, Ned managed to discreetly deposit his load at the base of an indoor plant, which was located more conveniently than the men's room. He took this as his cue to leave and abandoned the party. He found his way to the front door and marched up the street towards the beach. Head down, eyes focused on the ground immediately in front of him, giggling occasionally at his own thoughts and sporadically stopping to take on water from garden hoses along the main road.