Tip Rats

Part 5 - Chicken

As he drove down Beach Street, en route to Andy's, Ned spotted Shane sitting in front of Charcoal Chicken with a plump young lady wearing a Bulwarra Bay High School uniform lounged precariously on his lap. Ned hoped against hope that this young lady was on her way to some sort of fancy dress party, but he knew this was unlikely.

'Hey buddy, what's the latest?' Ned asked Andy, who was sitting in one of the old car seats that he'd turned into patio furniture.

'Just kicking back Neddy, beers are in the fridge mate.'

'Sweet.' Ned opened the screen door and made a beeline for the fridge. He planted himself down beside Andy on the patio chair and handed him a beer, 'When do you wanna head up to the pub?'

Andy wobbled the beer bottle between his thumb and index finger 'After these ones.'

'I just saw Shane out the front of Charcoal Chicken.... looked like he had himself a bird.'

'A delicious barbeque bird, with chips and gravy? That's a nice dinner' joked Andy.

'I wish. It was a fat little one in a school uniform.'

'Serious?' Andy shrieked, before bursting into laughter upon Ned's sombre nod of confirmation.

'Well, she's a lucky girl Ned, you can't deny it. With any luck we'll see them up at the pub.'

'Maybe...He'll have to leave her in the kiddie area with a couple of packets of chips and some red- drink,' reasoned Ned, 'and some change for the Street Fighter machine.'

'Classic,' laughed Andy, 'I need to start following him around with a video camera, "The Fucked-Up Adventures of Shane Roach'', it'd win an Oscar.'

'Hopefully you'll get it finished before the cops take it for evidence when he finally gets busted for stealing pornos from the newsagents'.

'Shoplifting? I had him pegged for a minor drugs conviction', Andy retorted.

'Yeah,there's that' Ned nodded in agreement, 'I haven't seen him all week, don't know what he gets up to out in that caravan...I mean a ton of masturbating I'm sure, but what else...' Ned shrugged his shoulders.

'Probably for the best, mate,' said Andy in a tone of mock comfort. 'The old man said you're a bit slow on the bricks, what's going on, can't ya hack it?'

'He had me doing all the shit jobs, he was trying to kill me, I can't stand up straight anymore' Ned replied, 'I'm two inches shorter'

Andy shook his head 'you're soft mate, a few more weeks and you'll be right, the two inches you lost in height you'll gain in dick'.

Ned let out a chuckle peered into the top of his beer bottle to check the depth, 'How's the job you're at going?'

'Yeah, alright. Been smashing out the hours, did sixty this week.'

'Jesus! You must be a millionaire'.

'Nearly' Andy replied with a smirk, 'I reckon I might go away after the next jobs finished, I'll have enough coin by then for sure.'

'Are you gonna go to Bali again? You could get your hair braided and get silly on a bunch of pseudoephedrine tablets ay, good times!'

'No mate, those days are behind me. I'm keen to go to California and then down to Mexico, get a few waves in.'

'Hmmh'. Ned was surprised. 'That would probably be pretty awesome actually. A proper overseas trip, you're growing up mate.'

'You should come' Andy declared, thrusting an index finger into Ned's chest, 'we can both go, I don't really want to go on my own. You can be my wingman, make look handsome to all the yank birds'.

'I'd go in a second, but it's expensive man,' Ned emphasised his point with a pained expression.

'Come on, you're sitting on that pay-out from when that ambulance tagged you, you've hardly touched it.'

'Yeah, I'm kinda meaning to keep away from that, I put it away for the future.'

'This is the future,' said Andy, theatrically spreading his arms.

Ned shook his head 'you finished your beer?'

Andy tipped the dregs from his bottle on to the decking, 'Yep, let's hit it.'

Ned and Andy jumped up and lobbed their bottles into the wheelie bin next to the front gate and headed in the direction of the top pub, named such due to it being at a slightly higher elevation to the bottom pub at the opposite end of town. The bottom pub was mainly frequented by the less desirable members of the community and given a wide berth by the majority of the local residents, not that the top pub had an especially highbrow atmosphere, just less glass-crime and herpes.

As the pair came within sight of the pub, headlights cast their shadows on the footpath in front of them. The car drew near and let out a short peal of siren-shriek before blue and red flashes bounced off the paling fences beside the road. As the police car approached, a voice came from the open passenger window.

'What are you two ladies doing out at this hour?'

Ned glanced over his shoulder and saw the officer leaning across the passenger seat, 'Bastoni. Busy night I take it?'

Constable Chris Bastoni had been friends with Ned and Andy at school and had recently taken the police residency at Bundleton after spending his first year out of the academy in the bush. Chris's dad had been the Senior Sergeant at Bulwarra Bay prior to his retirement and had pulled some strings to get Chris the job.

'It's a scary place mate, you boys off to the pub?'

'Yeah, we're heading up for a few, nothing too special,' replied Ned.

'I'm knocking off at ten, I'll meet you boys up there for a beer.'

'Righto mate.' Ned replied, casting a doubtful glance at Andy.

'Make sure you save some sluts for me, I've already speared a few for Andy,' Chris gave Andy a wink before sitting up and speeding off.

'What was that all about?' asked Ned, as he and Andy continued on their way.

'How the fuck did they let that bloke become a cop?' replied Andy, tactically ignoring Ned's question.

'Cops don't get paid enough, smart people work where the money is. You pay peanuts you get peanuts, and Chris is a massive fucking peanut.'

'Isn't the saying, 'you pay peanuts you get monkeys'?' asked Andy.

'I think that's racist' Ned replied.

'Is it?'

'I don't know.... better to be safe than sorry, anyway, what was Creepy Chris on about back there?'

Andy hesitated, 'I'll let Chris explain, he's gonna tell you anyway.'