Tip Rats

Part 31 - Chicken 2

It was 11.30pm and Ned found himself sitting in a booth with an autographed photo of Bill Cosby above his head and menu item number 4 on a plate in front of him with a side of mac and cheese.

'This is an odd mixture of food' said Ned as he sat intimidated by the meal before him. 'Do you mix the chicken and the waffle together?'

'No idea mate' replied Andy who was wading blindly into his own number 4.

In the end Ned had little choice as the meal merged together after what seemed like an eternity of eating. He'd had to break for a clearing bowel movement halfway through the meal in order to finish it. Andy looked a little worse for wear across the table as he sat slumped with mouth ajar and eyes glazed, battling to digest his meal with crumbs of chicken skin glued to his face by maple syrup. Through his open mouth Ned could hear Andy's stomach attempting to make sense of the mess it was presented with, groaning and gurgling menacingly. Ned's own stomach was fighting a similar battle, he could feel the hot mess dribbling into his intestine, it was going to make for an unpleasant fight for the toilet in the morning.

It was just after 1am when Ned and Andy staggered out of Roscoe's. They turned right onto Sunset and continued west, back past Platinum in the general direction of the Buena Vista.

'I don't think there are any buses coming' Ned gasped after they'd walked for nearly half an hour, 'let's grab a taxi'.

Andy nodded with a pained expression, he had started walking like a sick duck, clearly still struggling with his insides. A few blocks further on they came across a number of taxis lined up in front of a bar called Goosecock's. There were several groups standing alongside the taxis, loudly and ineffectively organising themselves in the way only drunk people can. Ned and Andy weaved their way through the swaying and shrieking mob and slid themselves inconspicuously into the taxi at the head of the queue. Andy crawled across the back seat so as to position himself at the maximum possible recline with his head against the driver's side window and his feet tucked behind the passenger seat. Ned slid himself into the front seat, much to the surprise of the driver, who leaned back and gave him the once over.

'We need to get to Venice mate' Ned announced, 'the big fella's not feeling too good' pointing over his shoulder to Andy.

'You guys from England?' the driver asked with his head tilted back, peering into the rear view mirror to get a look at Andy.

'Nah, Australia' Ned replied.

The cab driver smiled, 'Cool, Australia is cool'.

'Yeah... well the place is called Buena Vista Hotel, it's on the highway, I think I'll recognise when we're close'.

The cab pulled away from the kerb and carried on westward. 'My brother went to Australia once, with the navy, to Perth...you guys from Perth'.

Ned shook his head, 'no, not from Perth'.

The taxi was following a similar route to the bus they had caught earlier in the day, though at this time of the night the shine had come off the scenery significantly. The strutting of the pedestrians had degenerated into a swaying stagger or a hunched scavenging.

'That's not a knife' the cabbie blurted out in his best imitation, glancing over at Ned with a grin and a chuckle.

Ned humoured the cabbie with a loud fabricated giggle, 'not bad mate, not bad'.

'Sydney...Mel-bourne...The outback...You got them poison fish too'.

Ned nodded along as the cabbie rattled off his list of Australiana. He wasn't sure which fish the fella was referring to but he nodded along just the same 'yeah, you gotta watch out for them ones'.

In the back seat Andy was listening in with amusement, feigning sleep and struggling to fend off a smile. The cab made a left turn near the end of Santa Monica Blvd.

'Well this is the PCH buddy, what am I looking for?'

'Ah... it's the Buena Vista, it's only small, there's a petrol station across the street called 76 maybe?'

The taxi continued along for several blocks, the road veering away from the beach and passing rows of similar looking concrete buildings.

Ahead, Ned could see the red beacon that was the 76 sign, floating above the rooftops like a dying sun. 'I think that's the one just ahead mate'.

The taxi was stopped at a red light diagonally opposite the station, one building up from the corner the partially lit sign advertising the 'Bu n V sta Hote' could be seen poking out from behind a miserable palm tree.

'We're here mate' Ned called out as he reached behind and slapped Andy's left knee which was resting behind the space between the front seats of the taxi.