Tip Rats

Part 32 - Trots

Ned woke up early, out the window the sky was pink. He looked across to the double bed which was empty, as was the small sofa against the opposite wall. Stinging for a piss, Ned sat up and looked over to the bathroom to see the door shut tight. He stood up and paced about the room for a couple of minutes, stopping to flick on the ancient TV. The set was old, it made an ultrasonic whine when Ned pulled the power knob and the picture gradually grew across the screen. As Ned twisted the dial trying to find something worthwhile he felt as though his bladder was reaching rupture point, he scurried over to the bathroom door and knocked frantically. No response was received, Ned pressed his ear against the door and could hear the shower running.

'Andy! Andy!'

Nothing. Deciding he couldn't afford to wait any longer, Ned ran out the door and along the veranda walkway, as he bounded down the stairs each impact threatened to send a pulse of hot morning piss thundering into his shorts. He dashed across the car park and between two cars, relieving himself onto the shrubbery that divided the hotel from the tyre shop next door.

He returned to the room thoroughly relieved and returned to the television dial, giving it a spin and settling for an early morning news show hosted by a toothy, large headed duo. Ned flopped back on to the single bed and waited for his comrades to return.

The shrill creak of the bathroom handle startled Ned as he was starting to drift off. The bottom of the swollen door dragged loudly across the floor tiles before Andy emerged from the steam like a plane crash survivor, wearing only a towel around his waist and a look of exhaustion on his face.

Ned shifted up onto his elbows as Andy crossed the room and collapsed back onto the double bed.

'What's up with you?'

'It's carnage in there mate, I'm torn to ribbons'.

'Your soft little stomach wasn't ready for the onslaught of yank dining eh?' Ned joked.

'Apparently not. I've been in there since four o'clock'.

'Jesus.... shitting the whole time?'

'Pretty much.' Andy replied mournfully. 'I woke up with my guts killing me and bolted in there. I'd already followed through in my sleep so I chucked out my undies and just sat on the shitter. Every time I tried to go back to bed I had to run back in. I couldn't wipe my arse any more so I just squatted over the shower drain and let it flow'.

Ned grimaced, 'that's really gross dude'.

'Mate, what could I do, if I wiped one more time my arsehole was going to fall out into my hand. The shit was spraying out of me like a fucking claymore mine'.

'I went to a few medicine lectures at uni and I'm pretty sure that can't happen. So is the shower safe to use'.

'Yeah, by the time I went in there just liquid was coming out of me'.

*

The sky outside had turned blue and the toothy pair on the TV had been replaced by a man dressed as an alien asking viewers to do the alien dance. Ned plucked up the courage to hit the shower, and wandered into the bathroom to inspect the crime scene. Luckily the shower tiles were powder blue so any sneaky sliver of shit should be easy to spot. There were several inconclusive brown spots around the drain and between tiles that concerned Ned some, but he took his chances, shuffling about on his heels just in case.

The boys were hungry and keen to find some breakfast. Chris was still absent but they decided it wasn't necessary to wait around, fuck knew where he'd ended up and when he'd be back.

After a stroll down to the beach and a healthy breakfast at a vegetarian restaurant in an attempt to clean out their fragile innards, Ned and Andy got down to deciding how they would spend the day.

'I reckon we should go to Disneyland' Andy suggested.

Ned looked at Andy doubtfully, 'wouldn't it be a bit weird for two grown men to go to Disneyland without kids, or even girlfriends'.

'Who cares, you know you always wanted to go, I sure as shit did. Do it for Little Ned'.

Ned considered the argument for a moment, 'yeah ok, fuck it, let's go to Disneyland'.