The biggest secret !Complete!

Grief is a 5 step process

AN: sorry guys this doesn't make for easy reading but please still let me know what you think!

Gray

Three days. Three days I'd sat in this sterilised room, on the white clinical couch watching Evangeline. My Evangeline sleeping a forced sleep, tubes up her nose, in her arms. I couldn't remember the last food that had passed my lips, the last water. All I could think about was her.
"Grayson?" A nurse, named Amy, had entered the room. The same nurse id seen everyday for the last few days, taking blood, checking her temperature, talking to me. But I couldn't talk, I couldn't say anything until I knew she was going to be okay. I smiled as she made her way over to the couch beside me, her hand on my knee. "We haven't given her the meds this morning to keep her in the coma. She should come round anytime soon, talk to her."
"What am I supposed to say?" I croaked,
"Tell her you love her, tell her she's okay. She didn't lose too much blood so hopefully she's going to be okay."
"You know that's not what I mean," she smiled again ever so slightly, sympathetically.
"You'll know,"

      My head rested on the side of her bed, by her bump. Her hand in mine, I'd moved from the comfort of the couch onto the chair. I needed her to know I was here when she woke. You've know idea how many times I'd kissed her lips like Prince Charming praying that I could wake her with true love. My eyes closing as I drifted in and out of an over exhausted sleep.
"Gray.." the tiniest of voices made my head almost snap at the speed I turned to see my Evangeline with her eyes open.
"Evangeline, I'm here, I'm here baby." Her hands started to move over her stomach, "You're in hospital baby, you're okay,"
"My babies," she murmured, "my babies,"
"It's okay baby, just stay calm I'm going to get the nurse," I started to stand but she grabbed my hand weekly,
"Our babies Gray?" I shook my head, fresh fat tears starting to fall,
"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry," I couldn't look at her face,
"Gray, no," she cried, "no please,"
"I'm so sorry, I should never have come. I should have left you alone," I sobbed into her side.
"No!" She screamed attempting to sit up, quickly I turned to her head and lifted the bed so she could sit. Her hands not moving from her still bump.
"I'm sorry," I said shaking my head.

Evangeline

"No!" I screamed again, "this cant be happening!!" I wailed. My whole body numb. My babies still here but gone, I heard the noises coming from my mouth but I couldn't feel them. Nothing made sense,
"Mrs Angel," a doctor and two nurses threw the doors open and made their way into the room at my side. One of the nurses holding my hand, I turned to look at her.
"Tell me he's lying to me, please please let me be having a nightmare please..." I begged the nurse by my side. Quietly she sat on the bed pulling me into her, I could hear the sobs coming from her above my head.
"Mrs Angel, I am so sorry. We would like to do an ultrasound as soon as possible if you're up to it?"
"Now, do it now," I cried. Grayson knelt in the corner of the room, his head in his hands. His heart breaking. The doctor left the room leaving me with the two nurses, both crying alongside me.
"I'm so sorry Mrs Angel, I really am." The nurse holding my rested her chin on the top of my head as the doctor reappeared with a small machine.
"I'm going to lift your gown," I knew what he was doing. And I prayed, prayed like I'd never prayed before. It didn't take long for my two little miracles to appear on the screen, not bouncing around. I heard a loud sob come from the end of the bed. Gray had appeared.

4 years earlier

"No!" I screamed, my whole body trembling as I held her in my arms. Please god please god no,
"Evan..."
"No don't speak, the ambulance is coming. Just breathe for me okay... in and out..."
"Evangeline," her voice little more than a whisper, "I love you."
"I love you," I sobbed, trying my hardest not to let my tears fall, her beautiful olive skin turning blue in front of me, her eyes misting over.
"No!" I shouted, my eyes darting around the wet road desperately searching for help, for the ambulance, to wake up.

Gray

The nurse next to Evangeline motioned for me to take over, sliding into the bed I wrapped my arms around her and to my surprise she wrapped hers around me. I thought she'd hate me. Hate me for following her, hate me for fighting that dickhead, this was all my fault. I hated myself. Despised myself. I killed my own sons. The room was silent except from the occasional cry, Evangeline enveloped in my arms.
"Mr and Mrs Angel, I am incredibly sorry but your babies have no heartbeat. Evangeline screamed, a loud, high-pitched moan I'd never heard before. One I would never be able to unhear. "I'm going to give you two a moment," the doctor left the room before nurse Amy turned to face us,
"I'm the bereavement midwife here, I've spoken with your partner before. If you need me or have any questions, I'm right here." She gave Evangelines leg a small squeeze before turning towards the door.
"What happens now?" Evangeline sobbed,
"Okay," she said pulling a chair up to the bed and taking one of Evangelines hands in hers. Her pale face was stained red from crying with us, like she shared our pain. "Well with you being so far along, we'll have to induce labour and bring the babies into the world, you can then spend some time with your boys, dress them, hold them. Take a million pictures of your babies with mummy and daddy..." my broken heart shattered again, Evangelines face contorted in anguish. I'd caused it and I couldn't stop the hurt. I was completely numb. My Evangeline was going to go through a painful labour with nothing to show.

Two days ago

Another doctor came flooding into the room, followed by three midwives. Every single time the door opened I could hear the tiny cry of newborn babies or the pained groans of mothers in labour.
"Mr Angel,"
"It's Grayson," I stated bluntly,
"Okay I think it's time we had a little check of the babies to see what's going on, Mrs Angel has been placed into an induced coma so the effects of the blood-loss  will be lessened."
"Okay." He wheeled the small machine around the side of Evangelines bed and I sat with her. Holding her hand, careful not to pull any of the tubes out. Lifting her gown he placed jelly onto her bump and ran the wand over all the whilst staring at the tiny black screen. "Is there supposed to be noise?" A midwife walked around to me and placed her arms around my shoulders, "no," I said shaking my head as realisation set in. "No!" I roared leaping to my feet. "Look again!" I was screaming at the doctor in front of me but he did as I asked and moved the wand back over her stomach.
"I'm very sorry Grayson, there's no heartbeats." How the fuck do I tell my Evangeline.