Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn.

Muddy socks

I threw the letter on the floor while my eyes were already starting to fill with tears. This could not be true, this couldn't simply be true. I ran my hands through my curls, what could I do? How was it possible to live without Kristen? I hit some wild stuff around me in anger leaving a glass on the ground, the shards flew everywhere. The back door opened slowly and Louis, who was with Megan, was watching in the doorway with a surprised look. I looked at the glass that lay on the ground, broken. Exactly how I felt at the moment. It finally felt good, finally I had found the girl of my dreams. For the first time I was in love, head over heels in love like I've never been before. But of course everything had to be ruined once again. Of course I had to end up alone, broken. I looked at Louis, who gently came closer to me as if I were a creepy criminal. "Harry? Are you okay?" I saw Megan a little hiding behind him as if I was planning to throw with other objects. The veins on my forehead knocked because of anger and I felt my eyes fill with tears as far as they escaped from my eye and found a way down on my cheek. Louis reached out to grab my shoulder while he quietly tried to come closer. "Be careful, Louis." Megan whispered softly, so softly that she thought I did not hear what she said, but of course I did. "Harry, what happened?" Everything was spinning in my head, I couldn't take it anymore. As soon as I could I opened the door, ran towards the park in the violent storm. It seemed as if the sky was crying with me, because the harder my tears flowed, the harder it started to rain. I felt the cold wind blow on my half naked body, I had forgotten that I was still in my boxers. But at this moment nothing cared, I wanted to think about nothing, to be alone. I kept running harder and harder till I didn't feel my feet anymore. Behind me was Louis fortunate nowhere in sight and I let myself fall again on the wood bench in front of the ditch which was a few blocks away from our house. My whole body was covered with goose bumps and the drops slid down my body. I looked at the drops which fell faster and faster in the water and made different types of circles. The sky was getting darker and the first thunder of the storm had already heard. "Why Kristen? Tell me why?" Softly I whispered, I closed my eyes and listened to the rain that hit the floor. The sound calmed me a little inside and immediately the questions began to form in my head. I could not believe it, I didn't want to. I thought about Kristen, about last night. How her father treated her, how great the afternoon had been with her. I finally thought it was a bit of alright, I really loved her. I needed to do something, I couldn't live without Kristen. I sighed slowly the cold air from leaving wisps of smoke arose. "Don't leave me, please.."

After a while with closed eyes sitting in the rain, I began to get very cold. The air showed it start to get late afternoon, so Paul was already cooking. It was weird, even though I heard my stomach growl there was no bite through my throat. Slowly I walked up the path back towards home, even though I'd rather stay out forever. Louis had probably told all the boys about what I did, so I was a little scared to go back. It was quiet in the streets, here and there were some old people who let their dog off and looked surprised at my red boxers. Okay maybe it was a little too much, but I felt quite comfortable and I wasn't that ugly I in my underwear. Was I?  I looked at my white socks which were black from all the mud and rain. They are probably never get clean again, I muttered to myself. "Harry, what are you doing here?"I looked up immediately by hearing my name and I saw the face of Laura in front of me only a few inches away. I quickly wiped the last few tears from my cheeks and tried to smile. "Oh hey, I just took a walk." I slip quickly through my wet curls and shook my head back and forth to get it in style. Laura began to laugh softly and I saw her looking surprised at my underpants. "And you always take a walk in your underwear?" I felt my cheeks glow red and began to laugh but the grin quickly disappeared on my face. "Harry, are you ok?" She laid her hand on my shoulder and looked with a worried face right into my eyes. I couldn't help it but always when I felt sad and someone asked me if I felt ok, the tears started to flow immediately. So that happened this time again, the tears flowed down my cheek and I softly bit on my lip. Laura suddenly came a little closer and hit her arms around me to put me into a hug. I felt right at ease, as if all I needed was just a hug. "Don't worry, Harry." She rubbed gently on my back while I felt some more tears escape from my eyes.

All of a sudden I thought of when I was little, about when I still lived with my mother. It reminded me of that time when I had fallen from the tree. My whole knee was red of blood and all the clothes I was wearing were ripped in pieces. She always put me into some hug like Laura did now, a warm comfortable soothing hug. My thoughts were interrupted by Laura who quietly let go again. "It's Kristen, isn't it?" She looked deeply into my eyes as if my eyes spoke for themselves. Softly I nodded my head up and down and I looked down again to the muddy path. Only when I heard her name my eyes began to fill with tears again. Laura gently hit her arm around my waist, looked up at the cloudy black sky and then looked anxiously at me. "It's gonna be all right, Harry. Let's go in first before we get washed away." I nodded, hit my arm around her and I began to tell her the whole story about the letter while walking back towards the house.