Finding Yourself Again

Chapter 1

"Ryan? Ry? I'm home!", Brendon called out as he walked into his Manhattan apartment. He hung his coat and laid his keys on the table as he made his way through his home, looking to see if his boyfriend was around. After a couple of minutes of checking the few various rooms, he saw he was indeed alone, and plopped down on the couch with a sigh. It's not that he actually expected Ryan to be there; he had just hoped he would be. He was home early from work, his last student having cancelled out sick, and was just hoping for some stolen moments with Ryan.

Brendon used to know Ryan's schedule, back when Ryan actually had a schedule. They had been together for just over 2 years, and had lived together for just over 1. About 6 months prior, Ryan had met and befriended a guy named Alex at a concert Brendon hadn't been able to go to. Very quickly, it seemed, Ryan's habits and behavior started going down hill. He changed from a loving, stable partner to this weird party animal that Brendon didn't recognize at all. Ryan started going out with Alex to bars and clubs most nights of the week, and always came home fucked up somehow - drunk, high, or often, both. It was really upsetting because Ryan had never been one to get messed up like that before, and Brendon was never invited along on their outings. This behavior had taken its toll on Ryan's life in a way that Brendon would have never expected: Ryan started missing work habitually, and eventually lost his job as a section editor at a large newspaper. They had both been living off of Brendon's income from teaching music lessons ever since, and Ryan didn't seem bothered to try and find another job. So he was using Brendon's finances to fund his newfound party lifestyle.

The part that upset Brendon the most was that he was pretty sure Ryan was cheating on him. He never had any solid proof, but shortly after Ryan started constantly hanging out with Alex, he became very distant from Brendon. They used to walk out to dinner or coffee, holding hands or sharing sweet kisses. But Ryan didn't do any of that anymore. It almost seemed like he didn't want to see Brendon at all anymore, much less touch him. Also, he often smelled faintly of strange cologne when he came home, and Brendon knew he wasn't imagining it. They rarely had sex anymore, and when they did, it certainly wouldn't be classified as making love. Ryan had become selfish and all about his wants and needs, worried most about getting himself off, and did the bare minimum to make it a pleasurable experience for Brendon. Brendon started insisting that they use condoms and even though Ryan was pissy about it at first, he agreed to it because it allowed him to get off when he was horny.

Suffice it to say, Brendon was miserable. He loved Ryan so much, and didn't want their relationship to end, but he knew something was going to have to give because they couldn't just keep going like this. He didn't want to give up because he just kept hoping his love and understanding would bring Ryan back to his senses. Being an extremely loving person by nature, Brendon just didn't know what else to do. Ryan and Brendon's mutual friends, Spencer and Jon, were disgusted with Ryan and wanted to give him a major talking to, but Brendon insisted on them not interfering. He was just sure the second they got involved and said something, Ryan would cut his losses and leave, and he just couldn't bear that thought. Even Brendon's boss Gabe wanted to say something, but still, Brendon said no.

Brendon decided to lay down on the couch and read while he waited for Ryan to return. He hoped Ryan would be clear-headed enough that he could convince him to head out for some late dinner with him. The book wasn't so much because he was interested in it, but more to help him distract himself from the sad thoughts that constantly plagued him these days.

——

The next thing he knew, a loud bang jolted Brendon awake. He must have fallen asleep reading, which wasn't really surprising given how much his mental state kept him awake at night these days. His heart pounding, he was getting ready to hop up and investigate when he heard some very different noises.