Finding Yourself Again

Chapter 15

  Panic's second New York show was going strong, and it was the last night of tour. Ryan, Jon and Cassie were enjoying themselves side stage, out of view of the crowd. But every once in a while, Brendon would glance their direction and show off his wide, beautiful smile.

"So," Jon said as the opening bars of another song launched, "I heard you and Brendon won't be partying with us this evening? Shame...I figured you two would want to celebrate the end of tour." Jon's smirk was gigantic.

Ryan smirked right back at him. "We are celebrating. We're just doing it privately...back at my place."

"Ooh!" Jon lit up. "Make sure you party with protection, Ry!"

Ryan shoved Jon's shoulder. "Shut up, perv," he chuckled. "We want to be alone and not interrupted by a loud party. Plus, I don't want to be around the booze or be a party pooper for anyone else with it."

"I know, Ry. I'm just teasing. You two deserve and even need your privacy. Sounds like you've got some stuff to sort out, like how you're gonna work your relationship from here. Are you dating again?"

Ryan shook his head. "Not officially but I don't think that matters just now. That's all part of what we have to sort out tonight."

"But you want to be?" Jon asked.

Before Ryan could answer, what Brendon was saying from the stage caught his attention.

"We're gonna take a little detour from our usual setlist this evening. I hope you all won't mind." Brendon grinned as the crowd went wild.

"Great," he said. "I've got someone very special visiting with me tonight. Someone I've not seen in a very long time. And there's a song on the album I wrote especially for them." Then Brendon looked toward the wings, directly at Ryan. "This one's for you. This is called, 'Always'."

Ryan's mouth dropped opened and he gasped. His hand slowly rose to cover his mouth. He could not believe it. This was the song he had felt a connection to Brendon with from the very first time he'd ever heard it. Ryan didn't used to believe in this sort of thing, but he definitely did now: he knew Brendon was his soul mate.

He stood there and listened with tears rolling down his cheeks as Brendon sang the song, for him. Jon slung his arm around Ryan's neck and squeezed Ryan's shoulder to show his support. As Brendon finished the song, he looked back over toward Ryan and actually blew him a kiss from the stage. Ryan laughed and smiled at him from the wings. The crowd went insane.

The rest of the show was a blur for Ryan. He was so quiet and all he could think or see was Brendon. Right before the end of the last song, Ryan turned to Jon. "Hey, Jon...I forgot to answer your question."

"Oh, yeah?" Jon said.

"I don't want to date Brendon," Ryan said. Jon looked really surprised. "I want to be with him forever, Jon."

Jon smiled and laughed and slapped Ryan on the back. "Well, here comes your boy. Go get him. You two deserve it."

Ryan turned to see all the members of Panic waving to the crowd as they headed off the stage.

Brendon bounded right up to Ryan, and with no concern for who was around, put his hand behind Ryan's head and brought him to his lips for a deep kiss. When he broke away, he leaned right against Ryan's ear and whispered, "Let's get the hell out of here. Zack has a car waiting for us and my bag is already in it."

Ryan nodded with a soft smile and happy eyes.

"Bye, Jon, Cass...we'll talk soon. Make sure you catch up with Spence tonight. He's got something he wants to ask you about," Brendon rattled off. He had already grabbed Ryan's hand and was dragging him down the hallway.