Finding Yourself Again

Chapter 13

  In two separate locations in New York City, both Ryan and Brendon were overflowing with nerves at the same time. The day had finally come: Panic had arrived in the city, and tonight, Ryan and Brendon were going to see each other for the first time in nearly a year and a half.

  It was a Thursday in late June. Tonight, all the friends were going to meet for dinner and hang out. Then Friday and Saturday nights, Panic would have their shows at Radio City Music Hall, and their tour would come to an end. There was so much excitement packed into these three days, both boys thought they would burst.

  Ryan had taken both Thursday and Friday off of work. He knew he was going to be useless, especially today, if he tried to go in. Brendon and tonight's plans were all he could think of. He just wanted everything to go perfectly, and was completely preoccupied with it.

  Brendon, unbeknownst to Ryan, was feeling the same way. He was glad the first show wasn't tonight, because he was totally distracted by the thought that he was going to see Ryan tonight. Not to mention, the plan he and Spencer had come up with that would allow him and Ryan to be together. Brendon hoped Ryan wanted to be together again, and that he would think their plan was a good idea. Only time would tell, and the slow passing of that time was what was currently torturing him.

  "Bren...Bren! EARTH TO BRENDON!" Spencer called. Brendon jolted out of his thoughts and looked toward Spencer. "Sorry, Spence..what was that?"

  Spencer laughed. "Oh nothing, I just was asking you to sign this form giving me your share of the album royalties, that's all."

  Brendon gave Spencer a fake glare. "Ha Ha, you're hilarious. You know I'm a little...scattered today.

  Spencer nodded sympathetically. "I know, B, I know. You know it'll all be fine don't you? First of all, he cannot wait to see you. I can tell from when I talked to him. And he is going to love our idea. He just loves you, you know?"

  Brendon smiled softly. "I know. I can really feel it this time, in everything he says and does. Things were good with us before everything fell apart, but if you had ever asked me what my ideal was like, it would be exactly how he is now. I can't believe it took me so long to admit to myself that I'm in love with him." Brendon blushed from talking about his feelings so directly.

  "Well, you were just being cautious. But now you know you don't have to be."

  "Right," Brendon agreed. "Hey, what time is it?"

  Spencer checked his watch. "It's 4:00."

  Brendon groaned. "Damn it. Why does 7 have to be so far away??"

  "Calm down: it'll be here before you know it. And you still have to get ready anyway."

  "Oh my God, you're right!" Brendon scurried into his bedroom of the hotel suite and threw the door shut. Spencer shook his head, chuckled to himself and sat down to watch some mindless TV.

—-

  "Ryan...Ry!" Jon actually shouted at Ryan to get his to stop pacing and look at him.

  "Yeah?"

  "Do you want to get your deposit back when you move out?" Jon asked.

  "I...yeah...what?" Ryan was confused.

  "Then sit, because if you keep pacing, you're gonna wear a hole in the carpet!" Jon had come over to keep Ryan company at his apartment, and to attempt to help Ryan keep from losing his mind.

  Ryan barked out a sudden laugh. "Ok, ok. Point made. Just nervous."

  "I know, dude," Jon said, "but you don't need to be."