Finding Yourself Again

Chapter 5

  Ryan sighed as he sat down on the bed of his newly assigned room, and took a look around. It was a pretty basic room, much like a college dorm room would be: single bed, dresser, desk, closet, a bedside table and a small but functional attached bathroom. It wasn't luxurious, but he felt like he could make due.

  "Well...Not too bad, is it?", asked Jon. "Gets the job done, anyway."

  "Yeah, it'll be ok. At least I was able to score a single room," said Ryan. Ryan was beyond thrilled at his luck that there was a single room available when they checked. He promised he wouldn't avoid the other patients and would be good about participating in his group sessions and at least some periodic activities. The counselors explained that it was an integral part of his recovery experience and he reassured them he understood. It was simply that at night, he had enough trouble sleeping, and someone else's strange habits would only add to his insomnia.

  "Ok, Ry. Well, I'm glad I was able to help you settle in at least a little. I gotta take off if I want to make it back to the city without getting stuck in hellacious rush hour traffic." Jon rose from the bed and moved slightly toward the door, before turning and opening his arms to Ryan for a hug. Ryan, despite not being an overly touchy-feely guy, gladly accepted this time.

  "Thank you for everything, Jon. I wouldn't be moving on towards healing myself if it weren't for you and Cass. Tell her I say thanks again to her as well." He patted Jon's back slightly before releasing him.

  "I will, Ry. She's really proud of you, you know. We all are - me, her, Spence and Linda. We know this going to lead to good things for you", Jon encouraged.

  "Yeah, me too. I only wish Bren would have gotten to see it. I know he would have been so happy and proud. I really miss him, you know." Ryan hung his head as he thought again about how awful he'd been to Brendon.

  "I know, Ry", Jon said softly. "You have to do this for you, but you can do it a tiny bit to honor him too if you like."

  Ryan smiled broadly. "I like that, Jon. I'll use doing right by him as motivation for when it gets tough. Even though I won't see him anymore, I can still feel like I made an effort to make things right."

  Jon stepped back and smiled at Ryan. "That's the spirit, Ry. Give 'em hell! Cass and I will be up to visit in a few weeks. Love you, man."

  "Love you too, Jon. Drive safely!" Ryan followed Jon to the door and closed it behind him. Ryan had some free time for about 3 hours before they came to get him started with classes and therapy sessions.

  "Well," he thought to himself, "I suppose I'll take a nap before I unpack. Might as well get used to my new bed." He kicked off his shoes and got under the covers. He closed his eyes, and thought about how he was not going to waste this opportunity to resolve whatever his issues were, as he drifted off to sleep.

—-

   It had been an interesting afternoon, to say the least. It was clear to Ryan that the way rehab worked was going to take some getting used to. He was so used to being able to come and go as he pleased, so having set meal times and times he was required to be with the group for therapy, classes and activities felt frustrating to him. He was trying to be patient, however, because he knew nobody who was there was used to it when they first came.

  Presently, he was sitting in a chair waiting outside the office of the therapist he'd been assigned for individual therapy. He couldn't decide if he was more or less nervous about individual therapy. On one hand, he was really glad that this was one time he wasn't expected to share his thoughts and feelings with a big group of people. On the other hand, he knew that since it was so private, this is where they'd really do the deep digging and hard work on his personal issues. It was a little nerve-wracking to think about. One thing that did please him though, was he heard he'd gotten lucky and got the therapist who was widely considered the favorite. All the patients loved her. He figured there had to be a good reason for it.