Finding Yourself Again

Chapter 8

  The four Panic boys were sitting around Spencer and Brendon's kitchen table, staff paper and laptops at the ready. It was another late night of songwriting, getting together songs they were all happy with for their upcoming debut album.

  It had been really hard work, no question, but they were all totally invested in it. They would have disagreements, but nothing that ever got out of control. They were all in the same boat, in it together, and they were mature enough to realize losing it on a bandmate wasn't going to make the process any faster.

  "Ok," Brendon sighed, "we have six songs ready to take to Pete. How many should we bring him, since we know there'll likely be about 10 on the album?"

  "I think we ought to take him 12, since he may not like a couple, or just might think some don't fit," Spencer said.

  "I think that sounds reasonable," said Dallon. "So that puts us at halfway."

  "So, guys...I have this song...I've sorta written on my own. I wasn't trying to leave you guys out or anything. It's just that it's really personal, and it kinda came out of nowhere at me..." Brendon said bashfully.

  "That's ok, Bren. It's not like you were trying to put one over on us," said Mike.

  "Yeah, it's fine, B!" Spencer always had Brendon's back. 

  "Ok, well, I'll show you the first verse and chorus and you can be honest as to what you think about it. If you don't like it, or think it doesn't fit, I'll hold it back, and there's no hard feelings." Since it was a really personal song, Brendon was super nervous about this.

  The other three murmured agreement, and Brendon pulled it up on his laptop:

  When the world gets too
  Heavy put it on my back,
  I'll be your levy.
  You are taking me apart
  Like bad glue on a get-well card.

  It was always you
  Falling for me,
  Now there's always time
  Calling for me.
  I'm the light
  Blinking at the end of the road,
  Blink back to let me know.

  Spencer turned to Brendon with wide eyes. "Wow, B - I gotta say, I love it. What are you calling it?"

  Brendon smiled slightly, "Always."

  "I vote yes on that," Dallon agreed. "Same," Mike said simply.

  Brendon let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Ok, great - I'm glad you guys like it." He really was relieved. The song meant a lot to him.

  "Yeah, and now you're totally our hero," Dallon teased, "because you put us up to seven songs instead of six!"

  Brendon laughed and gave Dallon a teasing shove. "I think this would be a good time to call it a night since we all have work tomorrow."

  "Good idea," Mike nodeed. "I'm beat. Dal, can you run me home?" Dallon nodded and the two got up and collected their stuff.

  Just then, Spencer's phone rang. He looked quickly and saw it was Ryan calling. He was really happy to hear from Ryan since it had been a couple of weeks by that point. "Hey guys, I have to go take this. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

  Mike and Dallon nodded their agreement, and Brendon started clearing off the table as Spencer headed out to the backyard to take his call in private.

  "Hey Ry!", Spencer greeted once he had answered. "I'm so glad to hear from you!"

  "Hey Spence. It's good to hear your voice too." Right away, Spencer noticed Ryan's voice sounded off, stuffy or gravelly, like he'd been crying.