SETTLE DOWN, matty healy

Chapter 21: TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME

Anna continued to sit there, waiting for my explanation of my sudden confession as I simply sat there stunned as well for saying anything. "I said I'm-"

"No, I heard that very clearly," She interrupted me to say, her head slamming against the back of her seat in pure astonishment, "How long have you even been seeing him?"

I bit my lip for a moment, looking down to my bitten down nails. "It'll be close to 4 months after Christmas," I told her, noticing her chuckle at this, "What's so funny?"

Anna shook her head to me, turning to face me properly finally. "Do you even know what the hell you're doing? He could get arrested for this, Emma. I mean c'mon he's 12 years older than you for Christ sake. How-"

"Anna he is the only thing I can cling onto in my life and feel like I'm not missing anything anymore. Like a goddamn fucking puzzle piece I didn't know I lost let alone ever needed," I explained to her annoyance, "I know the consequences more than he does mind you, he pursued me first after all at Barnes and Noble-"

"Oh dear god that was the college boy you told me about that summer."

I looked to her, still fuming with knowing what's been going on to only have me feel worse for even speaking up about it finally to someone I thought I'd be able to trust. "Are you going to tell-"

"No." She immediately turned to me and sighed, holding my hands in hers as she managed to smile to me sympathetically. "Em, you are my best friend. As much as I think all of this is fucked, that does not mean I will not support you entirely and keep my mouth shut."

I grew relieved hearing this, enveloping her in a tight hug upon hearing her words. "God you have no idea how many times I've wanted to tell you and Ryder about all of this. I've been putting all the beautiful romance I've had into poetry and it's exhausting and unsatisfying sometimes."

Anna laughed at this, holding my hands tightly to nod to me. "Share away then. I'm going to have to admit: how the hell did my Emerson manage to captivate a man that everyone at school sees as beyond the gold standard and keep him pawing for more." I rolled my eyes at this, going on to tell her everything I've had the pleasure of experiencing with dear Matty Healy.

***

Song Selection: What Kind of Man by Florence + the Machine

The class began its group discussion on Hamlet the following Monday, leaving for me to go on rants with the makings of Act 3. I looked ahead from my notes in my run-down book to notice Anna eyeing me expectantly. "Surprised on how shady Claudius seems to be, honestly. Glad to have had Hamlet call him out about it." I looked to her worried as she shook her head. "Claudius was only doing what he thought was best for him though by killing Hamlet's father too. Just didn't have a good way of going about it"

The two of us continued to look at one another, aware of the discreet discussion being made as someone in our group groaned in annoyance at her response. "That barely even pertains to our question about the analysis of Hamlet's famous monologue, we can't be off topic."

"It's literally just him saying he wants to kill himself; that's all it is, Sarah," I told her, causing for her to slowly shut her mouth and the bell to ring quite suddenly in the classroom. "Saved by the bell."

The two of us began packing up our things and I noticed the small note already on my desk as Matty began erasing the board, having me take it and leave one on his desk on the way out. Anna turned to me with a smirk, shaking my head. "You really do love him don't you?" She asked as I opened up the note to read it, grinning instantly.

The day keeps bringing me dreams of my dearest Emma and I would not want it any other way. I find it hard to say bye-bye. Until our next encounter my love.
~W.S.

"Yeah, I really do," I told her, putting the note away where I usually did.

Ryder came up to us suddenly beaming, walking beside us suddenly. "Wishing for winter break to be here a little sooner am I right?" She asked, causing for Anna to chuckle awkwardly.

"Definitely yea."

She furrowed her brows to her, having me do the same. "You alright Ann?"

Anna nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "Just have a cold or something I think. I haven't been myself today," She explained and Ryder nodded understandingly as she shot me a look of distaste for having to feed into the lie as well.

***

I leaned against the door of the classroom expectantly, waiting for Matty to unlock the door so I could set up for Poetry Club before the rest of the board arrived. He grinned to me immediately, pulling me inside and shutting the door to grab a quick kiss. "Someone missed me."

"Oh and you don't feel the same," He told me with a smirk, raising his brow to me.

I rolled my eyes, putting my things down. "Don't want you to become too much of a narcissist now. I always miss you," I explained to him, pulling up my slide on his laptop.

Matty tilted his head to me for a moment, more than likely feeling my unsettled behavior. "You've got that face, what's wrong?"

"I don't have a face. This is just my face," I told him, not lifting my gaze away from the screen in front of me. Even doing so momentarily as I stepped away from his desk made me groan deeply, balancing on my toes. "If you trust someone so much and you tell them something, but you don't know if the might've changed their trust after this- What do you do?"

Matty took a seat for a moment, leaning back to look to me seriously. "You trust them? If you trust them it shouldn't matter, but if the secret you told them was so different maybe it was better left unsaid. Maybe-" He stopped for a moment, making me feel guilty at his sense of realization. "Em, who did you tell?"

"It just sort of happened," I explained, "I told Anna."

He rubbing his temples for a moment, hiding his face in deep thought. "It's fine, don't worry about it. I trust you to know who you can tell these things to." Matty looked to me, putting his hands together for a moment. "Okay, Emma? I trust you know who you can tell these things to-"

"Not like you have much of a problem hiding it. I'm sure your friends now about me because you can lie about me being seventeen, right?" I said suddenly to have him look to me taken aback.

"I've told three people if you're trying to refer to George, Adam, and Ross, but they also don't teach at this school or are anywhere near here."

I chuckled at this and shook my head. "Felt guilty for letting it slip out when it felt like a relief to actually get it out of my system."

Matty shrugged his shoulders at me in annoyance more like this. "If you're going to keep throwing whatever tantrum you're doing, go ahead Emma. What's done is done anyways and whatever happens because of it is your own doing."

"A tantrum? What, because I'm younger you're going to throw the tantrum card. That's rich." I stood in front of him for a moment, having him raise a brow to me. "I'm not just a goddamn child to you need I remind you. I'm just tired of having to see this type of double standard."

Matty was about to speak when the two of us turned to the door opened for Liz, Arthur, and Evan coming in to have the two of us stand up to greet them before discussing the plans for today and the rest of the week. I looked up briefly to see Matty eyeing me sympathetically, only turning a cheek to have the issue be dealt with later.