SETTLE DOWN, matty healy

Chapter 28: Me

Song Selection: Don't Think Twice, It's All Right by Bob Dylan

Matty P.O.V.

"What are you saying?" Emma asked me, the expression in her eyes, making all of this hurt more than I already thought it would.

Everything we've felt- I can't tell her it was all a lie; it's not the truth. Then again, the thought of her risking herself and her overall venture into her dreams isn't worth me being so selfish.

I turned to the sunflower painted onto the window, already feeling the guilt succumbing over me. I should've known better than to fall for a woman like her, and I know that well enough. But, when I first saw her standing there, I couldn't ask for another. God if she only knew how much this hurt me too. "I think this, whatever the two of us were doing together, it has to be over," I told her finally.

"Matty-"

"Look, Emma, fooling around with you in private was fun but I think I've grown out of it."

She stopped for a second, the intolerance visible in her eyes. "You don't mean that? I know you don't mean that?"

You're right. I don't. I planned on loving you well past forever regardless of my ideals.

I shrugged my shoulders as if all this weren't serious. "I've just had a change of heart. We've slept together after all, what more could I get out of you."

"That's all? All you wanted to do was sleep with me?"

No, I wanted to hold your hand while we take a stroll through the park, take you into my arms whenever you felt alone because you have me; you always have me.

"Of course? And it was fun and everything but-" I stopped for a second, taking a breath for a moment. "You're just not worth the trouble."

She stepped forward, slapping me immediately. "Screw you, Matthew Timothy Healy. God, I should've known." Emma walked out of the apartment soon after, slamming the door behind her on her way out. I pushed back my hair for a moment, feeling everything I was keeping from her because of what I assumed to be what was best for her. Looking out the window again I cringed for a moment at the thought, the gloom outside making this a terrible cliché that was not appreciated at all.

Emma P.O.V.

The keys slide across the kitchen counter once I got back home, my dad looking to me concerned by the kitchen sink. "Emma, are you alright?" Not having the heart to lie aloud, I only smiled at him and went up to my room quickly. Switching on the light, I began to look for anything that proved to be a reminder of what I so gullibly let myself fall into.

Every note, every letter, I threw into a box ready for me to hide away and never see again. Finding a knitted sweater and vintage t-shirts of his I stopped for a second, remembering all the nights spent simply exchanging in our thoughts. Throwing them into the box, I lay back in my bed, the anger subsiding for a moment. Feeling my necklace still laced around my next that he had given me on Christmas, I unclipped the chain to see the inscription inside and sighed in remembrance over it.

"Emma, you are the loveliest person I believe I've ever come to know, and the very thought leaves you stuck in my head day by day." The very phrase I remembered leaving me to swoon. Part of me wanted to be cross with him, but- I knew he was lying.

Which only made this hurt even more.

***
A few months later...