SETTLE DOWN, matty healy

Chapter 31: Menswear

Song Selection: Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex

The coffee shop was especially quiet at this hour to no one's surprise, Matty turning over to hand me my drink once our names were called. Stepping out to the cold breeze outside, I turned up to him immediately interested. "Have you taken up painting yet?"

He laughed under his breath at the innocent question, shaking his head. "Still only doing the sketches, sorry." Raising a brow to me with a soft grin, Matty looked to me as interested as I was. "Did you ever do your tourist-y things?"

"Right down to Big Ben, actually." The two of us laughed at the inside joke of this, remaining in silence once again due to obvious circumstances.

"Haven't written all that much, y'know. Bit of a shame really, but I was bound to get writer's block at some point." I nodded silently, knowing very well what he meant by this and didn't need to continue on with the point. "Program suit you, after all?"

"Actually yes, made a few friends out of it all shockingly enough," I explained to him as he now smiled silently to the ground to have me suspect something of him. "You want to say something, Healy. You're terrible at hiding things, c'mon."

He shrugged his shoulders, kicking up his feet as we continued our short walk. "Bold of you to still think you know any of my ticks."

"You sure as hell still seem to know mine." The two of us remained silent after my sudden, abrupt comment to have me frown to myself. "I'm sorry."

Shaking his head he only smiled, lifting a chin up to me. "You have every right, I understand." I nodded silently, dozens of questions running through my head now that the two of us were here and alone.

But I'm not gonna be the one to ask any of them. I could never be so bold.

"Do you still think about what happened?" I looked over to see the small concern in his face, thinking to myself for a moment at the journal I dragged along with me everywhere now as a piece of him I couldn't let go of. "Because I do."

Hold your tongue, Carson. This damned revolving door of emotions needs to end- right?

"I can't help it sometimes. My fault for falling in love so young."

He cringed for a moment. "Don't start-"

"It's the truth." I sighed, waving my hand to him to stop the short stroll down memory lane the two of us were making out of the night. "Matty, last I checked you decided that I was nothing to you; absolutely noting. You continuously treat me as some child you had for yourself at some time that you easily disposed of. I fell in love too young; it's a simple fact."

The growing look of concern over his eyes caused for my heart to ache as he looked down to the floor to choose his words carefully. "The guy I saw you with today-"

God I knew that's where this would lead.

I scoffed at the comment. "Matty for Christ sake, you see me with a boy and that's the thing stuck on your mind?" Looking ahead you the university building the opposite direction, I sighed deeply for a moment before heading back. "God, nothing has changed."

"Emma-"

"Seriously, what does it matter anyways? Why does it have to matter so much?"

He looked to me wide-eyed, as if the answer weren't obvious enough. "He looks just like me except 6'3?" I rolled my eyes at the comment and continued on my way. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere that isn't here," I said fully, continuing to sip the ice coffee in my hand despite the continuous attempts made behind to try and gain my attention.

Feeling a pair of hands gently hold my waist, I stopped abruptly to be spun towards the small walkway separating the two buildings. Matty looked down on me, the lack of light hiding his face for a moment. Looking for a moment to the small space between us, knowing very well what would happen now I placed a hand on his chest gently. "You can't keep doing this to me. I can't keep playing this game with you."

He cupped my cheek to gently brush his thumb against it. "There's still some things left unsaid."

Trying to keep the space between us, I shook my head. "It's better left unsaid." My eyes looked back up to his, being immediately met with warm memories of when times seemed so easy. When loving him was easy at least.

When I was still naïve...

He stepped away from me and nodded. "I understand, if that's what you want." Pushing his hair back momentarily, he slowly stepped back out to the sidewalk. "I'm sorry, Emma; for everything." Quickly taking strides back in the direction of the university, I lay my head back against the building for a moment to feel myself grow emotional over all the short events having occurred.

February 12th,

You see a woman like her and you wonder a lot of things. You wonder if there's such a thing as true love. Because everything you once thought was obsolete, mainstream media bs all seemed so real when you looked at her for a moment. You wonder how a heart like hers could ever have wanted to stop beating. Because you would do everything in your power to remind her of all the things that can keep it going. You wonder how long your future will last. Because a world without her in it? That's a world I can't bear to stand.

~M.H.

Seeing Matty entering the floor into room 102 I continued to run down, regardless of what hour it was or where I needed to be. He looked to me confused running down the hall before I stopped at his feet, pushing the journal in his chest. "I will always love you Matthew Healy, but-" I let go of the small book and shook my head. "I never asked to know what went on inside your head. It made everything worse and-"

Tightening his hand around my waist again out of familiarity, he lifted me up gently for our lips to meet softly, just for a moment, as the journal fell to the ground below us. He parted from me quickly as I looked down to his lips, expecting for there to be more out of missing the feeling for so long.

And this is how it starts...

A/N oop if that last line isn't a damn signal for what happened that night then literally there is no bigger signal. UNTIL NEXT TIME BECAUSE OOP IT'S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY AGAIN SORRY.

~J.S. 💋