The Winter Project

3. Stephanie

Stephanie loved her life. She loved every waking minute of it ever since she met Minoru. Almost every day she would think about how lucky she was that she had gone into that particular bar on that particular night when visiting London with her friends and managed to seduce Minoru into going back to her hotel with her. She thought about how lucky she was that she could move into his apartment and not have to pay him rent. She was unemployed after giving up her life in Birmingham to be with him. She often thought about applying for work and would look for jobs every now and then, but secretly she loved playing the role of the housewife. She would stay home to clean and organise the house, and prepare food that she knew he loved. She would watch him eat it whilst he stared at the television and thought about how he would be lost without her, a typical man unable to take care of himself without her unconditional love and devotion.

Before Minoru, Stephanie had been plagued by her low self-esteem, always feeling like the least attractive one in her friendship circle or the one who did not get enough attention on nights out. She would fulfill her need for attention by taking home any man who would have her, and she had lost count of the amount of times she had woken up in a stranger's bed, her bloated ego from the night before shattered and her self-esteem at an all time low. She continued this pattern of behaviour for several years until she was confident enough to believe that only an attractive girl could have slept with so many men.

When Minoru had proposed, Stephanie felt as if her life could not get any better. She was taken by complete surprise as they walked along the bridge over the Thames late at night, and he had given her the ring and asked her to marry him. Always envious of her friends for getting engaged, finally it was her turn, and with Minoru. Minoru was better than her friends' fiancés. He was better than anyone she had ever met.

She couldn't wait for them to get married and have a baby together. She would look up Japanese baby names and think about what they would name their child, how they would raise it. She thought about how happy they would be when they would move back to Birmingham to be near her family, and the size of the house they would be able to afford to buy once they had saved up enough money. She knew that Minoru wanted to stay in London where he had always lived with his family and friends and his job, but she knew they'd be happier in Birmingham. Minoru would feel the same once they had the baby, she would tell herself. He would want to live somewhere where the baby could go to a good school and feel safe on the streets. Stephanie had planned their future together so meticulously that nothing could possibly go wrong.

Of course, Stephanie was insecure. She was horribly insecure and she couldn't stop herself, even though Minoru complimented her on a regular basis. Even with Minoru by her side, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was worthless. The feeling that she was fat, unattractive or had an awful personality. She lived for this daydream she had created for Minoru and herself, but she was fragile and easy to break. She tried not to take offence at the little things, but she knew herself that she was not strong enough to handle criticism or negativity. She often thought about trying to boost her confidence by exercising or working harder on her appearance and her ability to find the negative in everything, but she never had the drive to do it. Now that she had Minoru, she was settled into a routine. She was never happy in the present moment, she knew that too well. She was so focused on the future. When her daydream had come to life, she knew she'd be happy.