The Winter Project

23. Stephanie

Stephanie regretted everything. It was as if she had been cleared from the mist of her heartbreak as she sat on on the plane and immediately she came crashing back down to earth. She couldn't even believe that she had made such a ridiculously stupid decision as to follow Minoru to the other side of the world in a pathetic and ill-fated attempt to win him back. Even saying it in her head made it sound more stupid, and yet it was too late for her to change her mind. Before she knew it, she had already arrived at the airport in Tokyo and was pushing her way through a crowd of dawdling idiots who clearly had no place to be anytime soon. She was angry, irritable and jet-lagged. She was still heartbroken, but she was more ashamed of herself.

She didn't even know where she was going or what she planned to do. She had booked a return ticket and was due to fly back in a weeks time. She couldn't afford to book a flight home right away. Money was not the issue, for she had enough saved to get her home if she needed to in an emergency. The only thing she couldn't afford was to lose her dignity. If she was going to fly to Japan in the name of love, then she at least had to try and come up with a plan.

She could win him back, she thought to herself. He would see how dedicated she was to be with him. He would think of how she had always complained about the idea of visiting his family in Japan, but here she was, ready to meet them! She would be courteous and polite and win their interest, and then Minoru would see her as the ideal partner. Someone his grandparents approved of would surely be considered wife material. She envisioned that they could be back together in a weeks time, the ring back on her finger and the man of her dreams back in her arms.

It was crazy enough that Stephanie thought it just might work. Her only other option was to admit defeat and go straight back home, but this wasn't something she was prepared to do without at least trying to fight for him. It was the only way she could imagine would stop the endless suffering she felt as she woke up every day alone.

Her first impression on arrival of the city centre was not a pleasant one. The bright signs and bustling streets irritated her. The overly-polite mannerisms of the Japanese people made her angry towards them for no reason other than the fact that she thought nobody was naturally friendly.

I bet they just want my money, she thought as she walked past restaurants and was greeted politely by smiling Japanese women at the front door. I bet they're thinking 'this white girl will overspend on some cheap food! What a tourist!'

She thought about Minoru walking these very same streets and how he must have realised on arrival that his wanderlust was wasted on a country he couldn't possibly adjust to. Minoru loved to be curled up on the sofa playing video games or watching comedy shows; there's no way he would appreciate the tumultuous nature of the streets of Japan. She smiled to herself as she thought about how he had probably already thought that he had made a mistake, and that once he had overcome his desire to travel he would want nothing more than to be back with Stephanie. She probably didn't even need to come here at all-he would work it out all by himself.

She booked herself into a hotel for the night. She had almost accidentally booked herself into one of those capsule hotels, but was lucky enough to discover what she had nearly done before it was too late. She found a large hotel room overlooking the city and spent the night staring out of the windows, wondering how far he was from her. Despite the jet-lag, she wasn't able to sleep or even sit still for more than five minutes. Her mind was working on overdrive, constantly ruminating on the way things could have been and the way things should be.

She would win him back and he would soon be in this room with her, staring at the same view of the city for one last time before going home together to live the life that she had planned for them so carefully and thoroughly.

When she woke the next morning, Stephanie felt nothing but disgust and regret as she became aware that it wasn't a bad dream, she truly had followed him. She felt that she had no option other than to hide in the hotel room until she was due to fly home and tell no-one about her repulsive behaviour.

She was starting to understand that her love for Minoru was one-sided and verging on obsessive, and she couldn't have him ever find out that she had followed him here. She came up with a new plan, to give him space and let him work out on his own that he needed her. That was of course, until she began her daily social media searches and felt sick to her stomach to see a photo of Minoru alongside two other men and a woman. The photo had caught them mid-laughter. It was natural, not posed in the slightest.

All Stephanie could focus on was the woman and Minoru's smile. The woman was smiling widely with Minoru's arm around her shoulder. As if she was laughing at Stephanie and staring into her soul as she took her man away from her. Minoru was also smiling, and Stephanie could see from the photo that he was truly happy. She felt her heart breaking all over again as it dawned on her that Minoru was never coming back to her, that he truly had gotten over her so quickly and wasn't miserable or regretting his choice to leave. Stephanie wondered how she could have been so blinded by love, so stupid to think things could improve as her judgement was clouded by relentless infatuation. The woman in the photo was slim, beautiful and exotic. Stephanie was none of those things; she was just a woman, fat and weary from years of self-neglect.

She knew that she had to let him go.