The Winter Project

48. Cleo

Waiting for the door to open was the most nerve-wracking moment in Cleo's life. She felt almost wrong for even being there, but Minoru had contacted her just a week before and begged her to come and make amends with her friend. She thought that she recognised his voice despite having never spoken to him or met him before, but she was unable to pinpoint exactly where she had heard it.

As the door opened slightly, Cleo was tempted to simply run and not look back, regretting her choice to turn up and possible intrude on such an important day. When she saw Isabel in her small white dress, she felt overwhelming pride despite the fact she had not seen her in so long. She saw the shock on Isabel's face when she realised who it was, and Cleo was about to begin justifying herself when the door was opened fully and Isabel ran towards her, wrapping her arms around Cleo's body and holding her.

"I can't believe it's really you," she said, and Cleo could feel the tears falling onto her shoulder. She was amazed that her friend was forgiving her so easily, that there was no harsh words or fights to be had. The forgiveness that Isabel was demonstrating was admirable and heart breaking. She pulled Cleo into the hotel room and sat her down, and Cleo knew that she now had to lay everything out on the table.

"I am forever sorry," Cleo said, meaning every single word. "I should never have tried to force you to go to Milan. I was being selfish, and I've spent the last year trying to work out why I've behaved the way that I have. Not just in that situation, but in every situation for the past few years. I was looking so desperately for love, be it from a partner or from friends, and I was driven solely by my desire to be needed and cared for. I didn't realise for a long time that you were the one who cared for me the most, who I needed the most. I put you in a situation that forced you out of your comfort zones, and I resented you at times for being too dependent on me when I had put you in a situation that meant you needed to be dependent."

"It's okay," Isabel said with a warming smile. She looked so beautiful and radiant, as if the joy and tranquillity in her mind were seeping out of her face and causing her to glow. "I was too dependent, for a long time. I wasn't easy to travel with."

"No," Cleo interrupted her. "Let me finish."

Isabel simply nodded and smiled, and allowed Cleo to talk, much like the man on the bridge had allowed her to talk the year before and given her a sense of clarity on how she needed to change herself. That day on the bridge, Cleo felt that she had hit rock bottom in terms of her mental health. She had always been covering up her problems, running away from her emotions and trying to plaster over them, and it had led her to sit on that railing and consider herself unimportant enough to exist.

"I was dependent on alcohol," Cleo continued. "I needed to drink all of the time, and I convinced myself that being in my early 20's was the reason I drank every night, but it was self-medication. I was aggressive when I couldn't drink and I was aggressive when I thought that you were judging me, which I don't believe that you ever were. I never let it sink in, what had happened to your parents, until I went to Milan and saw it for myself. I refused to accept that I needed help. In the last year I've dedicated all of my time to myself and my mental wellbeing. I'm in therapy now, and I'm finally understanding how to handle my emotions."

Isabel held Cleo's hand and squeezed it tightly. She told Cleo that she would always love her, and always had, despite the anger she had felt on the surface when she had first left Cleo and taken the van, and again when the van was taken from her.

"That reminds me!" Cleo said with excitement. "I got you a present."

She allowed Isabel to finish getting ready as it was almost time, and they headed outside. She covered Isabel's eyes with her hands and let her to the car park of the hotel, before removing her hands and allowing Isabel to see the van parked up beside her car, with white ribbons attached to the wing mirrors. Isabel immediately burst into tears without a seconds warning.

"My van!" she cried. She ran up to it and ran her hands along the side of it, and opened up the back doors to find everything exactly as she had left it, including the first photograph of her and Minoru taken on her Polaroid lying on the bed. The only thing Cleo had changed was the photographs of her and Isabel from the beginning of their road trip, which were now hung back up on the wall of the van. Isabel sat down on the bed inside the van and Cleo sat beside her, wrapping her arms around her best friend and apologising continuously for taking it away from her.

"It's fine," Isabel said, carefully wiping her tears so as not to ruin her make-up before the event. "Losing the van was the best thing that ever happened to me. It allowed me to open up about my mental health to Minoru; it allowed me to get on a plane. It forced me to do things that I couldn't do without it."

"Well, now you have the best of both," Cleo smiled. They sat there for a few minutes before Steven appeared at the door and told them that it was time. He took Isabel's hand and led her out of the van, and Cleo sat there alone for a few more minutes before she was ready.

Fearing she would now be late, she quickly ran down to the pier and admired the set-up. At the beginning of the pier was a homemade wooden arch covered in white lilies, which Cleo knew was Isabel's grandmothers favourite flower. On the grass in front of the arch were maybe only ten wooden chairs, and Cleo took a seat next to a girl who was bouncing a baby on her lap. She introduced herself to the girl and asked how she knew Isabel, but the girl told her she only knew Minoru.

When Cleo saw him turn up at the arch, she could not believe she was seeing the man who had managed to stop her from jumping from the cliff edge nearly a year ago to the day. She realised that no man was better suited to her best friend than this one, even though she didn't know him. She only knew him as the man who had turned her life around, an anonymous bystander who had given her the perspective that she needed to change herself for the better. She felt a twinge of loneliness, but knew that it was for the best that she had spent the last year alone. Nic was her closest friend in the world, and he had been careful and understanding with his words when she had told him that she had to move home and work on her mental wellbeing. He told her that he would wait for her to be ready, and he has stuck by that promise, loyally waiting for her to tell him that she felt worthy of love. After the event would end, she was planning to return to Milan and tell him that she was finally ready.