The Winter Project

28. Isabel

On their last day in Budapest, Isabel and Cleo aimlessly walked around the streets of the city they jokingly called their new home, as they had spent more time there than in any other country they had visited, and they both loved it more than anywhere else they had been. They played make-believe about how they both lived and worked in the city and created new lives around their fake personas. Isabel was a top lawyer who worked endless hours in the city and never had time for love. She had a huge apartment, filled with modern furniture to offset the old fashioned architecture of the exterior of the building. She had a dog but he was always being looked after by a sitter due to her hectic work schedule, except for the weekends, when she would walk him along the river and bask in the glory of a day off from her busy but wonderful life. Cleo was a manager at a non-interesting business that she couldn't be bothered to build a back story on, but spent her evenings and weekends performing acoustic sets at various bars, and they were full to the brim every night with her adoring fans. She was deeply in love and engaged to a much older man who cared for her every need and fulfilled the life-long desire she had for a father figure in her life. Isabel felt that this part was a little too curious for her to buy into, so she never mentioned it when she discussed the fake evenings they had spent at her apartment, eating food she lovingly prepared for them to eat on her balcony with views of the city at night. Isabel was stuck at inviting the imaginary boyfriend's to her imaginary dinner parties because she couldn't picture herself with one. Even in her wildest fantasy she was single and alone, she never even considered that a man would be part of what made her happy because she didn't know what that felt like. She envied Cleo for having experienced deep love so much that she could picture it so well.

Isabel wondered why the imaginary life she had set up for herself did not make her excited or happy. She wondered why even in her fantasy she was incapable of love. She rejected even her imaginary dog in case she loved it too hard and it died just like her family. She joked with Cleo that she hired the top therapist in the country to come to her apartment on Sunday mornings to address her anxiety and inability to feel love.

She joked about how she loved her therapist too much and how he stopped showing up for their sessions.

Cleo found all of this too funny. She changed her profession to the top therapist in the country and promised to never leave Isabel, and how she would become too afraid of being abandoned by her client and so moved into her apartment. They thought it would be a great setting for a comedy show, the therapist and the patient cohabiting out of dependency and fear. They laughed until their stomachs hurt, but Isabel suspected they were both just making light out of too many underlying truths.

As they sat down in a café to rest before exploring their final views of the city, Isabel used her imaginary life to think about the life she had ahead of her and how to make it something she could be excited about and give her something more to work towards, now that she had conquered her fear of travelling.

"When we get home, I'm going to find a better job," she announced assertively. "I'm going to get a job that is meaningful, something that I enjoy."

Cleo nodded and sipped on her mojito without a care in the world. She was visibly disinterested.

"I'm going to get a worse job," she shrugged in response. "One where I can relax."

"I'm going to get my hair cut," Isabel continued. "Buy some new clothes, start going to the gym. I'll get a dog!"

Cleo just laughed, much to Isabel's surprise. Isabel was hurt that Cleo wasn't taking her plans seriously. Although it was understandable, for a lot of things Isabel said rarely turned into reality due to the restrictions she had imposed on herself in the past. Now, with a new found understanding that she actually had an ability to do things beyond the tight control of her anxiety, Isabel felt ready to transform her life into something she actually wanted. She ignored the fact that home no longer felt like her safe place; only the hotel in Budapest that they had been staying in for two solid weeks and the small streets surrounding it were her safe place now. Luckily, the rational part of her brain knew she had to go home at some point and so she was preparing for it in a way that made her excited.

"Maybe I'll find love," Isabel said and she continued to formulate her plans for the coming months and years. Cleo did not respond, she simply rolled her eyes. Isabel was now getting annoyed with Cleo's constant mood switching. One minute she was laughing and joking about their fake lives in Budapest and the next she was only interested in getting drunk and not talking. Isabel decided to stay quiet and plan her future in her head, and it seemed to make Cleo much happier.

Back at the hotel, they packed their belongings and checked out of their new home, saying goodbye to it forever. Isabel said one final goodbye in her head as she looked up at the dreary old building, before getting back in the van and heading out to find the next home. Cleo insisted that she was okay to drive after a couple of mojitos, and Isabel ignored the laws of the road and allowed Cleo to take the wheel, as she wanted to sleep in the back of the van and plan more of her future without the negativity of others to distract her from it.