The Winter Project

9. Minoru

Minoru entered the house as quietly as possible. He wasn't even sure why; he knew Stephanie would be at home, festering in her own rage and waiting impatiently for him to come home. There was no chance in hell that she would fall asleep when she was in one of her moods. He was no longer feeling the effects of his earlier intoxication, and his bold plan to break up with her there and then had faded into fear, tiredness and the desire to go to sleep with as little drama as possible. He figured that any important conversation they needed to have could wait until the next day, when it was the weekend and he would have more time to pick up the pieces.

For as long as he could remember, Minoru was not interested in drama. He did not like people fighting or arguing if it wasn't worth fighting or arguing about, and there was very little that Minoru thought was worth it. He didn't care for passive-aggressiveness or manipulation tactics. He believed wholeheartedly that the best way to resolve an issue was to discuss it, but being as relaxed as he was, he was never the one who had the issue; he always seemed to be the one causing it. He truly felt that he was a good and loyal boyfriend to Stephanie. He was firmly against cheating in every way and wouldn't dream of cheating on a girlfriend in any circumstance, regardless of how much he had to drink, how angry he was or how little he loved them. He wasn't the most romantic type anymore, not since his first girlfriend who he had showered with love at every waking moment for two tiresome years from the ages of eighteen to twenty, but he made up for the lack of forced romantic gestures in everyday acts of love such as driving Stephanie anywhere she wanted to go, taking her out when he could have been with friends, paying for things and complimenting her when he genuinely believed in the compliment he was giving. This was still quite a common occurrence, for he did not find her unattractive.

He was relieved to find that she was not waiting on the other side of the front door to bombard him as soon as he stepped foot into the flat. He snuck quietly through their living room and into the bedroom and saw the shape of her underneath the duvet. The lights were all out. He quickly and quietly slipped out of his clothes and climbed into the bed, wrapped himself in the duvet and rolled towards the wall, happy that he could sleep peacefully while still a little drunk and without a screaming match.

"You don't love me."

Fuck, he thought. The arguments always started this way. One-way arguments where he had to defend his love for Stephanie by trying to list all of the nice things he had done for her lately. He stayed quiet and hoped she would think he was asleep.

"Minoru, I'm not an idiot. You don't love me."

He was surprised that she wasn't shouting and realised that this was not going to be one of their usual arguments. He was also too scared to respond, because he wasn't sure if he really did love Stephanie or not. Ever since Stuart had asked him earlier that evening, he was wondering why his gut response was to say no in the first place.

"I know that I can be difficult," Stephanie continued. She did not roll over to face him and neither did Minoru. "I know that I have let myself go. You know that I've had a very difficult time in the past trying to keep a long term relationship, and I can assume that now you see why. When we first met, you told me I was a catch and that you didn't know why they never stuck around. Now you know."

"I don't think any of those things are true," Minoru responded gently and quietly.

"Then tell me you love me."

He sat there silently for a long time. He knew that the longer he said nothing, the worse it was going to make Stephanie feel, and yet he felt that the worst thing he could possibly do was tell her he did love her when he actually didn't because although it would make her feel better that night, the eventual demise of their relationship would hang over both of them, waiting to appear as a result of his unhappiness or her finally accepting that she was not loved in the way that she deserved to be.

"I don't love you anymore," he said after what felt like a very long time. He said nothing more, and neither did Stephanie.

As he woke up the next morning, Minoru stayed perfectly still and replayed the conversation from the night before in his head. He wondered if Stephanie had fallen asleep before he had confessed how he really felt, and decided that he could in fact love her and pursue their relationship for the sake of convenience and for his conscience. He felt guilty for being too honest. He rolled over to tell her that he was sorry for upsetting her and that he would let her know next time he planned to come home late, but she was not there. He sat upright and tried to adjust his eyes to the light flooding into the room from the window. Minoru was not an early riser, and he had no idea what time it was.

He checked his phone and saw he had one message from Stephanie. It simply read For what it's worth, I'm sorry too.

He grasped now that she had heard him, and in the cold light of morning he knew that he had broken her heart. It made him sad to think of her upset and he could feel the remorse like it was a physical illness spreading through his body at an intense speed. He looked around the room and saw that her wardrobe door was wide open; the contents vanished as if they had never been there at all.

Stephanie was by nature an attention seeker and she loved to argue with Minoru until the sun would come up, but she had never once taken her things and left. She would stay in Minoru's presence until they had come to a truce every single time, and she had nowhere to go in London even if she had ever wanted to leave. The empty wardrobe simply proved to him that this wasn't like the other fights; this one wasn't even a fight at all. It was a decision.

He climbed out of bed and threw on the first pair of trousers and t-shirt he could find before walking out of the bedroom and through the large wooden doors that separated their bedroom from the living room. He felt sick but he didn't know if it was because of the beer from the night before or the feeling that he had ruined another person's life.

Luckily for Minoru, his self-reproach was short lived. On entering the living room he saw that she had not only taken her clothes, but she had also taken his television. She had taken his games console. She had taken the two things he loved to do more than anything when he wasn't working or with his friends. He understood now that she was not apologising for an amicable break-up in a mature adult way, but for stealing his belongings that he had paid for with his own hard-earned money. His remorse turned into hatred and all he could think was the same three words over and over again.

That fucking bitch.

He debated with himself whether or not he should call her, but he didn't want to call her and have to listen to her voice. He walked around their shared home and noticed that she had taken everything that was hers. It wasn't much; she had brought very little from home and Minoru had paid for everything else. The furniture was his. The decorative useless crap dotted all around the house was chosen by her but paid for by him. The television had been his.

He was so angry that he barely even registered the fact that he and Stephanie were clearly no longer together. When he eventually sat down and contemplated the fact that he was free of his relationship, he found himself smiling.