When you find yourself falling into a routine and you get used to things its solid. Once you start having changes to the routine, you may feel off balance. You begin to feel as if everything is changing. You find yourself wondering when you will ever feel like yourself again. You wonder if life was just always meant to be difficult. You know that when you find love and you know you can keep it you don't want to let it go. You find your thoughts being scattered and all over the place. When Katrina gets into her own head and finds herself floating through the clouds, its as if she is in another world. She gets to choose who she is going to be that day. She gets to decide what her emotions are going to be like and how she is going to see the world. When she is on full alert and she is spending time with Michael, she knows she is at peace and no one is going to steal the moments she treasures.
When they were completely dressed, they decided to do some exercise. Katrina turned on the Wii and they danced on the Just Dance games for three hours. When they got done. They ate some beef stew and muffins. After they got done, they showered and ate. When they got done eating, they got their clothes out for work. Katrina went to her writing space and typed up two chapters. She was pumped with energy. She was thrilled to be able to sit and just start typing again. She wanted to spend time with Michael, so she chose not to deal with the reality of life when they were on their trip. She just wanted to live in the moment. As Katrina was writing, she found herself in the zone. It was like she couldn't stop herself. She felt alive the more words she put on the screen. She wanted to keep going and she decided to take her journal entries and add them to her story. She wanted it to be juicy and filled with emotion.
As the hours passed, Michael came to check up on her. He said, "baby, your dad is on the phone. He wants to talk to you. She said, "Okay. Just hand me the phone please." He walked in the room and handed her the phone. The moment Katrina said hello it was a done deal. Her and her dad just started catching up. Her dad let her know he got a new phone. He told her he would be calling and talking to her more. It made Katrina smile. Even though her parents had put her through turmoil and unbelievable drama, she still loved them. She wanted them to be proud of her. She wanted them to know she was going to be bigger than she was. Katrina kept typing while she was on the phone. Michael was right there, reading over her shoulder. Normally, it would bother Katrina if someone chose to do it. With Michael she needed his feedback. He was her good luck charm.
Katrina knew he made things better when he would tell her his thoughts on the situations. Once Katrina got off the phone with her dad, she got back to looking at her screen. She watched as Michael was reading. She saw the different facial expressions and was wondering what he was thinking. She was wondering when he was going to say something. Katrina just waited until he was done. When he was finished, she looked at him and he looked at her. He sat down on the couch. He said, "do you want me to be honest or do you want me to lie?" "Why would I want you to lie to me? Tell me the truth so I can fix it. Let me know if it sucks." Katrina was starting to twitch. She knew if she was twitching it meant, she was going to be freaked out. She hadn't twitched in a long time. The last time she had twitched she was a teenager.
Michael said, "in this chapter, it seems like you are forcing them to do nothing but pour out everything in one segment. I don't know what you want out of them. It's hard to understand. I don't know if that's what you were going for. I want to be able to see the characters through what you have written. I want to feel how they feel." As Michael spoke Katrina took in what he was saying. She knew she needed to go back and tweak it. When he got up to leave the room, he kissed her on the forehead and closed the door. Once it was just Katrina and the computer, she sat down and got back to editing. She was all over the page. She was moving words and putting new words in. She even changed how the characters were with each other. Katrina had wanted the story to be so perfect. She was just finding herself lost in it.
By the end of the week, all Katrina wanted to do was stay locked in her mini office. She wanted to sit in front of the computer and destroy the story to pieces. She wanted to break it down and make it better. She was wishing she could throw it in the fire like she used to do with her old stories when she was doing drafts. Katrina knew when she was a teenager, she was going to continuously must compete with herself. She knew she was going to push herself to write past what everyone else was telling her. She knew she had to write just to keep sane. Now that her life seemed as perfect as could be, she had to find a new form of writing. She knew she must get through all the trouble she was causing herself. It seemed no matter what, she let the negative from her past continue to haunt her. She decided she was going to open a new document.
Katrina opened a new document and just started typing. She talked about her childhood. She talked about her parents. She talked about everything she could remember from when she was growing up. Katrina wrote about her teenage years. She was going on about what happened when she was sixteen. Katrina took her fingers and just let all the thoughts come out. She didn't date it. She just kept letting it come out. She felt she wasn't going to stop until she felt better. She knew she was in the middle of a meltdown. She knew when she felt like she couldn't finish eating her food, it was because her body wasn't going to let her. Michael kept trying to bring her food. Katrina couldn't force herself to eat. She knew if she did that, she was going to end up puking. Katrina took a deep breath and just kept typing.
Katrina knew she was going to have to let go. She knew for her to feel better she had to shed all the unhealthy thoughts and feelings overwhelming her and playing in her ears. Michael was wondering if Katrina was depressed. When Sunday came around, Michael was able to come home early. He found Katrina asleep on her laptop. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He tucked her in and turned off the light. When he left the room, he went to her writing space. He wanted to know what had her so blocked. He was wondering if she had started a new project or if she had found something old and was tweaking it. When he looked at the computer screen and started reading, he couldn't pull himself away. He found out Katrina was pouring herself onto the page. He saw that she was letting her pain come out.
He knew instead of her eating her feelings or hitting people, she was typing it out. She was putting it onto paper. He just sat there and read. He saw in the corner she was on page 46. He knew Katrina wasn't going to let anyone else read it. He knew Katrina had been emotional. He could tell since she wouldn't eat. She had barely spoken to him. He couldn't get her to look at him. He was hoping he hadn't done anything wrong. He got up and got on his knees. He put his hands together and began to pray. He prayed about his wife. He asked God to go with her. He asked him to keep watch over her and help her get through what she was going through. He asked God to go with him as he tried to be there for her. He asked God to allow him to see through the world as if he was God. He wanted to know what he could do to help Katrina and others.
Michael got up when he was done and saved her document. He turned off the computer and left the room. He went into his room and crawled into bed. He patted Katrina's head and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He turned over and went to sleep. When Katrina was home by herself, she tackled that page. Katrina just kept going on about what bothered her as she was growing up. The more things she remembered, the more she put on paper. After about three hours, Michael came home. He found her in the room. He said, "baby, come here please. I must talk to you. It's important we speak now." Katrina got worried. She was hoping everything was okay. She knew she was fragile now. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle too much bad news. Katrina got up from the desk and went to the living room. She saw Michael sitting on the couch.
She went over to him and gave him a kiss. She sat down beside him and asked what was wrong. Michael said, "babe, you have me worried sick about you. When you come home, the first thing you do is run to that room. You don't even talk to me anymore. I finally looked at what you have been writing. How come you never told me, your past was scaring you? Why didn't you come to me?" As Katrina listened to what Michael was saying she felt bad. She knew he was feeling neglected. She figured therefore they were arguing all the time before the accident. It was because she had shut down and she didn't go to him. She didn't want him to see her in that state. She knew it wasn't a good enough answer. Katrina said, "I don't know how to deal with it except to write. I can't finish the project I'm working on, because my past thoughts keep creeping in.
YOU ARE READING
My Accident (Nanowrimo2018)
Romanceafter being stuck in the mist of a tornado a married woman starts wanting to make her life full of excitement.
