Time Will Tell | ✔

Chapter 11 - I'm sorry

time will tell

"Creative Writing, huh?" my father said rather than asked as he placed the hot cup of camomile tee onto my desk before he took a seat on the edge of my bed. It was completely odd to be back home, and even more to be sitting in my old room filled with countless memories. Everything looked different to me now. Everything reminded me of days I wanted to forget. It didn't look very familiar to me anymore and that's why I didn't really feel welcome within those four walls. 

I nodded slowly. "Yes. I kind of realized that I loved writing. It has become my passion but it took me some time to understand that." 

"Did you...graduate already?" I could hear and see how broken he was. He obviously wanted to be standing right by my side when I graduate and cheer me on while I accept my diploma but due to me being an awful son to him, he thinks he missed the most important day of my life although he didn't since I haven't graduated yet.

"Don't worry, I haven't graduated yet dad. But I want you to be right there in the crowd when it happens. I want you to take pictures, cheer my name, but most importantly, I want to see the huge smile on your face when I walk up the stairs to get what I'm working for right now. I want to see how proud your are." I admitted truthfully before I sat up straight to adjust my hoodie. 

He felt relieved as he closed his eyes for a brief moment. "We'll be right there. I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world, Miles." 

"Dad?" I asked while taking a small sip from my tea. When I nearly burned my tongue from the hot impact, I put the glass aside again to let it cool down for a while.

"Yeah?" he looked up at me which caused me to smile like a little child. I had no idea when I was as happy as I was right now, but I knew that it must have been a couple of years because I had to get used to this unfamiliar feeling again since I wasn't used to it anymore. 

"Thank you for accepting my apology. I don't know what I would have done if you—"

"Let's not talk about it, Miles. How could I not forgive you? You're my son. You may not be my own flesh and blood, but to me, you're even more than that. You're my life, my everything, my very own heart. Don't ever forget how much you actually mean to us. Your mother is still quite angry at you, but just give her some more time and she'll eventually let go of her ego and tell you how much she truly loves you, alright?" he squeezed my leg and I nodded while biting my bottom lip. 

"I understand. I'm glad that you both exist. I'm grateful for you both. I just want to let you know that, dad. I'm eternally thankful for everything you both have ever done for me." I smiled to myself after finishing my sentence because I could really feel the change within me. Years ago, I would have never said those words out loud but now I did. I managed to get rid of my bad-boy facade and finally managed to talk like a grown-up. 

There was a long silence between us until my father decided to break it once he managed to find the right words to express himself. "Why did all of this happen to us? Or perhaps to you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. I was caught off-guard although I was aware of what he was referring to. I really tried to avoid this conversation, but I knew that we'd have to talk about this someday and apparently, someday was today.

He turned his body towards my direction completely while staring deep into my eyes. "Your fights, your attitude towards me, your mood swings, all the partys,.. just everything. Why did you turn into some...some sort of monster? I couldn't even recognize you. I was scared that I had lost you forever."

I sighed, taking a deep breath in. "I don't have an explanation for what I have done. I honestly have no idea how to put my thoughts into words, dad. I was just very, very hurt back then but believe me when I tell you that every single time I look back at what I did, I want to punch myself in the face. I want to punch myself because I was so, so stupid, dad. I was very, very stupid. I ruined something beautiful —something that had the chance to bloom. But I didn't let it bloom. Instead, I let it rot."