Chapter 14 - Home

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time will tell

I woke up quite early today since I spent the whole night tossing and turning in my bed. My thoughts were keeping me up all night and I couldn't stop thinking about what my father told me. He was right and I knew it. I had to apologize - it was the least I could do and as much as I tried to run away from my duties, I was forced to man up now. And since I never liked social media, I decided to write a letter instead.

Even though I already tried to write the perfect letter to her a hundred times, I never managed to express my feelings the way I wanted to and that made me angry. My anxiety was literally eating me alive and I was sick of feeling this way. I wanted to- no, I had to- heal. I had to get this over with. I had to take full responsibility for all the cruel things I did. I had to take full responsibility for my actions. I was a grown man now and it was time for me to act this way too.

I leaned back against my chair and grabbed my phone from my nightstand. My thumb was shaking as I pressed the instagram button again after weeks of being absent and searched for Rose's profile. I noticed that she uploaded a new picture and my heart nearly dropped out of my chest as I hesitated to tap on it. Once I managed to overcome my fear, I was blown away by her beauty again. She kept getting more beautiful each time I saw a picture of her and I wondered how that was possible. How was she even real?

As I stared at the picture, I somehow started to think about the year I met her

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As I stared at the picture, I somehow started to think about the year I met her. I started to think about the year I changed, about the year I became a completely different person. I started to think about all the people I had hurt throughout my life. I couldn't change the past, or perhaps my past, but I could change the future. I could change how people viewed and judged me. I could try to change their perspective and make them see me in a new light.

I rushed towards my wardrobe and grabbed one of my many black hoodies and a pair of washed jeans before I got dressed. A quiet knock on my door made me turn around only to be met with my father once again. "Good morning."

"Good morning, dad." I greeted while buttoning my jeans. "How did you know that I wasn't sleeping?" It must be around eight o'clock and I had been up for about three hours now and simply wondered how he knew that I was up. I usually slept till noon and left the house until after midnight.

"I could hear you," he said as he stepped inside. "How did you sleep?"

Once I was ready, I sat down onto the edge of my bed and sighed. "Not so well. I think I slept for an hour or maybe two before my thoughts got the best of me."

"Have you been feeling like this ever since you left for college?" he asked, taking a seat right next to me. "We're going to fix this, you know that right? You'll be able to sleep peacefully again, Miles. I promise."

A small smile curved my lips for a few seconds before it turned into a frown. "I hope so, dad. Life is tough and sometimes, it can get the best of you. And it has a very cruel way of torturing you with your own mind. I wish there was a switch I could turn off once and for all but that would be too easy." I was exhausted. This constant monologue in my head was driving me insane and I just wanted to silence the voice inside of me but there was no instruction how to.

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