Dwalin stopped swigging a mug of ale to speak.
"He is late is all. He traveled North to a meeting of our kin. He'll come." that sounded like the leader of this endeavor. I hopped down, grabbed a plate for the latecomer and myself and headed to the dining room. On the stranger's plate I put three extremely thick slices of ham slathered in gravy and a slice of bread with butter. I decided to give him fresh soup when he came.
The dwarves began a raucous food fight and I began eating some chicken and potatoes with eggs. Another egg was thrown into Bombur's (the fattest dwarf's) mouth. I ducked flying salad and cranberries and launched a radish in Kili's direction. The dwarves then had a burping contest.
Bilbo went around ordering the dwarves to basically levitate off of the floor and not touch any of our possessions. I was fine as long as they cleaned up after themselves. I could hear Bilbo and Bofur talking in the kitchen as I walked past.
"That is a doily, not a dishcloth!"
"But it's full of holes!"
I walked back into the entry hall to catch my breath and a moment later Bilbo came around the corner followed by Gandalf, complaining about the massive mess the dwarves had made.
"I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" Bilbo looked like he would kill a dwarf if given the opportunity. Just as he was about to speak to me, a young dwarf named Ori walked timidly up to us.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt."
"No, it's fine Ori. What do you need?"
"What should I do with my plate?"
"Here you go, Ori. Give it to me." Fili took Ori's plate and threw it to Kili, who in turn threw the plate into the kitchen. I followed the path back to the kitchen where I could see Bifur catching the plates and washing them in the sink. I wandered into the dining room where much of the tossing was happening. Bofur invited me to sit across from him at the table. We all picked up a fork and a knife and began a rhythmic thumping of the table and clashing of the forks and knives along with other dwarves.
"And could you not do that? You'll blunt them!"
I looked my brother dead in the eye, smirked, and said, "Oooh, did you hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bilbo looked absolutely betrayed as he stared at me. All the dwarves and I began singing. I stuck my tongue out at my brother.
"Blunt the knives, bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" I hopped up on the table and began dancing as I avoided all the flying dishes. I caught a plate in the air as I spun and tossed it to Kili.
"Cut the cloth, tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door!" I kicked a mug down to Balin at the end of the table.
"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you're finished if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll!" Balin was sitting at the head of the table with a plate bouncing other plates to the dwarves behind him. I began twirling really fast. My pearl necklace bounced and turned on my neck.
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" I threw my arms out wide and stopped spinning as the song finished. My face was flushed and I was smiling so wide my face hurt. Bilbo was standing in the doorway of the dining room looking shocked. Every plate, dish, and cup was stacked neatly on the table without a scratch on them. We were all laughing when we heard three loud, heavy knocks on the door. Everyone went silent.
"He is here," Gandalf said mysteriously.
YOU ARE READING
The Shire's Deadly Flower
Fanfiction"He looked rugged and dangerous. He looked like a king." The sister of Bilbo Baggins has been raised to be a high society hobbit woman all her life. However, she has been learning of the outside world just as long. She is particularly interested in...
