After Gandalf faded into the distance, Bombur began taking out pots, pans, spices, salted meat, vegetables, and everything else he needed to make his stew. The stew that we had lived on for the past month. Fili and Kili noticed this and panicked. The other dwarves groaned.
"Laddie, why don't you make something else today? We've had nothing but stew for the past month. Or how about we get someone else to make dinner?" Bofur made a move to take a potato out of his brother's hand.
"Yes, why don't we have someone else cook tonight? It might be a nice change. Who should we get to cook?" I smiled and looked around The Company from Thorin (who was still nursing his cheek like a wounded dog) to Balin.
"What about you? You seem like you could make something other than stew out of these." Bofur gestured to the haphazard pile of ingredients that were sitting on an extra blanket.
"But Thorin told Bombur to make dinner..."
"It's fine, Bella." at hearing Thorin's comment, Fili shoved me towards the fire and the ingredients.
"I know Thorin said that I could take over, but I don't want to take Bombur's job. I can clean up the dishes after, but I really don't know..."
"Nonsense! How 'bout we make it a game? Whoever makes the better dinner gets the best sleeping spots and gets to be first in line for meals for the rest of the quest. Deal? Now shake on it and we'll get started." Bombur and I shook hands. Fili and Kili began building an extra fire. I looked at Bombur apologetically and began chopping a potato.
Half an hour later, Bombur had whipped up a giant pot of beef broth and potatoes. His side dish was bread pudding. I had made sausages and a potato casserole with stew.
"BOYS! WE'RE DONE!" The Company crowded around the fire, licking their lips. I told them to take a plate of Bombur's meal first. The Company did so and soon each plate was empty and the dwarves and Bilbo were sprawled on the ground.
"I guess you're too tired to have a bite of my meal then?" at my words, all the dwarves jumped up and formed a line with their plates. When they were done, Bombur and I looked at each other.
"So..... Who did better? Was it me or the lady burglar?" Bombur glanced hopefully from dwarf to dwarf.
"I think you did better, lad." Gloin clapped him on the shoulder.
"I think Bella did better." Fili smiled.
"Of course she did! It's totally obvious who did better!" for once Fili and Kili were actually agreeing on something.
"Bifur says that Bombur did better!"
"NO! BELLA DID BETTER!"
"NO, BOMBUR!" soon the entire Company had devolved into a squabbling mess. All except Thorin. Half of The Company had voted that Bombur was a better cook. The other half were of the opinion that I had done a much better job.
"ENOUGH! THIS FIGHT'S USELESS! Thorin hasn't cast his vote yet." I sheepishly cleared my throat. Fili and Bofur looked eagerly at the king.
"Uncle, didn't Bella do better?" Fili's question sounded more like a statement.
"Nonsense, lad. Bombur did better didn't he?" Thorin narrowed his eyes for a moment at the two. Fili and Kili left to watch the ponies.
"Bella did better." without another word, he began sharpening his axe with a stone that he had found on the ground. I tilted my head quizzically.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, thank you for being on my side, but didn't I slap you a half an hour ago? If someone had slapped me, I would have specifically chosen the opposite side." Kili looked from his uncle to me and back.
"This is a contest of who made a better meal, not who treats me better. Besides, like you said, I was being stubborn."
"Thorin Oakenshield admitting he was wrong? I thought I'd never live to see the day." Balin raised a bushy eyebrow at Thorin.
"Maybe this whole competition thing was a bad idea. How about we sing a song? It always helps Bilbo and I feel better after an argument. What song should we sing, Bilbo?" I clapped my hands together.
"How about that song we wrote 10 years ago? The one about the Green Dragon that you kept trying to get Drogo to sing whenever Primula got you both drunk?" I nodded as I facepalmed.
"That's fine. You have to sing with me then. You all can follow along." Bilbo and I cleared our throats and sang.
"There is an inn, a merry old inn
beneath an old grey hill,
And there they brew a beer so brown
That the Man in the Moon himself came down
one night to drink his fill.
The ostler has a tipsy cat
that plays a five-stringed fiddle;
And up and down he saws his bow
Now squeaking high, now purring low,
now sawing in the middle.
The landlord keeps a little dog
that is mighty fond of jokes;
When there's good cheer among the guests,
He cocks an ear at all the jests
and laughs until he chokes.
They also keep a horned cow
as proud as any queen;
But music turns her head like ale,
And makes her wave her tufted tail
and dance upon the green.
And O! the rows of silver dishes
and the store of silver spoons!
For Sunday there's a special pair,
And these they polish up with care
on Saturday afternoons.
The Man in the Moon was drinking deep,
and the cat began to wail;
A dish and a spoon on the table danced,
The cow in the garden madly pranced
and the little dog chased his tail.
The Man in the Moon took another mug,
and then rolled beneath his chair;
And there he dozed and dreamed of ale,
Till in the sky the stars were pale,
and dawn was in the air.
Then the ostler said to his tipsy cat:
'The white horses of the Moon,
They neigh and champ their silver bits;
But their master's been and drowned his wits,
and the Sun'll be rising soon!'
So the cat on the fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,
a jig that would wake the dead:
He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune,
While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon:
'It's after three!' he said.
They rolled the Man slowly up the hill
and bundled him into the Moon,
While his horses galloped up in rear,
And the cow came capering like a deer,
and a dish ran up with the spoon.
Now quicker the fiddle went deedle-dum-diddle;
the dog began to roar,
The cow and the horses stood on their heads;
The guests all bounded from their beds
and danced upon the floor.
With a ping and a pang the fiddle-strings broke!
the cow jumped over the Moon,
And the little dog laughed to see such fun,
And the Saturday dish went off at a run
with the silver Sunday spoon.
The round Moon rolled behind the hill,
as the Sun raised up her head.
She hardly believed her fiery eyes;
For though it was day, to her surprise
they all went back to bed!"
Bilbo and I finished the song and The Company clapped. Bofur stood and handed Bilbo and I each a bowl of stew.
"Do us a favor and take these to the lads." Bilbo and I approached Fili and Kili with the bowls of steaming stew. They were staring at the ponies.
"What's wrong?" I shoved the bowl I was carrying into Bilbo's hands and put a hand on each of their arms.
"We were supposed to be looking after the ponies." Kili was trying to remain calm and failing.
"We may have encountered a slight problem." Fili swallowed.
"We had sixteen..." Kili coughed.
"Now there's fourteen..."
YOU ARE READING
The Shire's Deadly Flower
Fanfic"He looked rugged and dangerous. He looked like a king." The sister of Bilbo Baggins has been raised to be a high society hobbit woman all her life. However, she has been learning of the outside world just as long. She is particularly interested in...
