Last To Know *COMPLETED*

Last to Know Chapter 20

Chapter 20-

'There's no avoiding this,' Jill thought as she hugged her loved husband softly. 'There's no way I can avoid choosing between my old love and my new one.'

She pulled back, stared into his blue-green eyes, and knew that this month was going to go by too fast. Way too fast, considering now was the time she wanted to spend with him. If she knew she was leaving him, she wanted the time to last.

Too bad it wasn't going to last.

James hugged her quickly again, patting her back, and reveled in the fact that she still might choose him. Then, he thought, why did he give her the choice?

He loved her; that was the only answer he could ever give himself.

So, the days went by, not as normal, but just as mellow. There wasn't a thing that could keep him away from Jill when he wasn't working. So they spent many hours together, whether it was watching TV, going out, or just sitting on the back porch and drinking.

"You know, I've always wanted my life to be this simple." James told her honestly one day, as they were sitting outside. The sun was going to set soon, and the day had been long. "I've always wanted a wife to love, a place like this."

"Well, you have it." Jill spoke evenly, knowing where the conversation was going.

"Not for long."

It was quiet as they both stared out into the woods. Jill happened to look up and see a shooting star. James hadn't seen it. She silently wished for the strength to make the right choice.

"We don't have to part as enemies... I mean, if I choose him." Jill finally said. Knowing what James thought of that, she knew he didn't understand.

"Despite what you think, Jill, I'm not a malicious person. I don't want to keep you here just so he won't have you. I'm not evil." James cringed along with Jill.

"I didn't..." Jill paused. "I don't think that."

"Anymore." James finished.

Jill could not argue. She loved him, but he had, at one time, been a malicious, evil person. That was the past, but she still frowned on it.

Apparently, so did James. He held his face in shame, knowing what she meant to him, and knowing she was going to choose her first love.

Jill glanced out across the back yard, smiling ruefully to herself. She saw the trees that God had placed just perfectly to give the right shade during the day. She admired the simple shaping of the land, the way the ground was level enough, but had the right curves. She adored the sun, which shone across the land, making the grass grow despite the cover of the trees.

And yet, she saw the imperfections of the grass, as though her only desire was to point out the bad things in life. That wasn't right, she thought, but continued to see mistakes anyway. She saw how there were holes in the yard, places that the soil never seemed to cover. And, she let the sun's light shine directly in her face, and suddenly understood how much it annoyed her.

When Jill thought about it, she seemed to realize that there were more pros than cons. Life was worth the trouble, when there were so many things to appreciate.

"What are you thinking?" James asked.

"I..." Jill said quietly. "Nothing. Just thanking God for the trees, the birds." She gestured around her.

It seemed like the perfect movie moment, her love beside her; the gifts of life in front of her. But it wasn't. This wasn't the love she wanted. This wasn't exactly what she was looking for.

And with all her being, she wanted James to know this. This unsettling feeling that made her world spin. A little melodramatic, but still true.

A very unchangeable feeling, she knew it was, but who on this earth could ever control their feelings entirely?

He finally spoke.

"I know what you're really thinking about."

"Do you?" Jill challenged, though she knew he knew.

"I do. And, to... try and change your mind.... Could you... well, would you, give me one more chance?"

"That's my problem, I can't."

"That's not what I mean." He said, and it finally clicked inside her head.

"Ah... I don't think so. You remember what happened last time..."

The last time they had... been together, physically, she had began crying, remembering the time with Aaron.

It was too much for her to handle. Or was it?

James, seeing his window of opportunity, took it. He swung his arm toward her, pulling her over into his chest. He kissed her passionately, reminding himself that this was the last real time that they might share, and finally pulled her into the bedroom, where only their hearts were tied.

The next morning, Jill woke with James still in bed beside her, though she'd thought he should've been at work.

"James..." She began.

He rolled slowly, the events of the night before playing in his mind. It was amazing. But yet, the look in Jill's eyes ruined it for him. He knew the words before they came out of her mouth.

"I've..." Jill said. "I've chosen."

And knowing he'd had his chance to prove his love, knowing the type of guy the Aaron Stewart was, he knew he could not blame her for choosing her first love.