Scrawl

Existential (story 24)

Did this for a class and took it a little farther than i needed to. It's kinda stupid but whateves Enjoy!

"I've been thinkin' lately."
The which lay upside down on the couch, slowly but surely sliding to the floor as she watched the sun slip below the treeline outside the window.
"Well, that's nothing new, you're always thinking" chirped the bot curled up by the window, charging and not bothering to turn away from the view.
"No, but about specific stuff."
She finally fell off the couch, landing ever-so-gracefully in a pile on the floor.
"Confusin' stuff."
"Ph.D. course in calculus confusing, or sleepy 3 am conversation confusing?"
"3 am confusin'"
"Ah."
"Yea, it is just, what's the point?"

CoCo finally turned to Marnie.
"That's kinda vague."
"Well, like," Marnie pushed herself to her feet and approached the window.
"We learn about all kind of misery and sadness and stuff, and for what? How does that help us? All it does is make us feel bad in turn."
She sat down next to CoCo.
"So why do we...seek out all this negative messiness if it just makes us upset? Wouldn't we be happier if we all just lived in a shell, never knowing about the bad stuff?" She put her chin on her knees and stared out the window as CoCo watched, curious.
"What's the point of seeking out knowledge and new experiences if being ignorant is so much...happier, I guess?"

A terse sort of silence fell over them both. CoCo turned the concept over and over in her head as Marnie watched the sun get smaller and smaller over the horizon.

"Cause it's boring."
Somewhat startled, Marnie turned towards the little bot, who was now studying the treeline once more.
"What?"
"Living blindly is incredibly boring. Yes, its..." she sought out the right word, "...easier to just do whatever other people tell you to do without thinking or feeling too much about it, but..." she drew into herself a bit, adjusting her cord so it didn't come out of her charge-port.
"... it's not really living at that point at all."

"Do you ever miss it, CoCo?"

Marnie watched her friend flinch slightly at the question.

"Yes."
Marnie waited for a further explanation but received nothing but the same terse silence from before.
"Are you gonna elabor-"
"No."
This time it was Marnie's turn to flinch, turning away from CoCo as together they watched the outside world, silent as the sun vanished and the first few stars awoke in the night sky.

Eventually, gave a compressed-little sigh.
"I'm sorry, Marnie. I shouldn't have snapped. It's just...it's weird to think about it you know? I get worried and confused and scared, and I could turn that off whenever I wanted, but at the same time, I also get happy and excited and content, and I don't want to lose that."
Marnie furrowed her brow.
"But can't you just turn those feelings off exclusively?"
"Trust me, I've tried. It just doesn't work like that. You can't have any sort of positive emotion without a negative one to contrast it, otherwise, you might as well be shutting them all off."

"That sucks."
"It's nothing I can't live with, most of the time. After all, you all do it, so why can't I?"
"That's...that's fair. Sorry for askin' you all that. I know it bugs you to talk about..." Marnie gestured to get the point across.
CoCo smiled shyly, or as shyly as she could with her pre mandated expressions.
"No worries. I suppose I should expect people to ask about it anyway. Though, I wonder, you've asked me weirder questions than that. So why only now did you ask me this?"

Marnie curled up tighter.
"You remember that job in Cheshire we took a few weeks back?"
"Mostly, yes. But I don't understand what that has to-
Oh."

Marnie threw her arms up
"When they got mad that stupid ghost just...jumped right into me!"
She fell back, staring up at the ceiling with a frustrated flicker in her eye.
"I spent a whole day doing whatever she wanted me to without thinking or feeling about it, and it was awful to have no control over my actions, but also so wonderful to not need to worry about it."
She clutched the edges of her cape, pulling the old wool closer to her shoulders.

"I've been thinking about it ever since. Thinking about how much easier-how much nicer it was to just not worry or think, even though I treated ya'll so badly at the time. I keep thinkin' 'bout how easy It'd be to do it again, and I hate it!"
She rolled onto her side, picking at the thoroughly stained carpet.
"It's kinda hard to explain, which is why I haven't pestered the others about it. The only reason I brought it up with you, really, is cause.."
"I'm familiar with the feeling."
"Yep... gah, what am I gonna do?"

CoCo chimed quietly, indicating that she'd fully charged. She pulled the plug, fiddling with it idly as she attempted to conjure a response.

"Well, that depends, would you rather be happy but uncertain, or certain but unhappy?"
Marnie looked to her.
"That's a kinda loaded question."
CoCo sent her a look.
"Well, now you know what it's like to be asked questions like: 'how can you feel emotions?' Or 'how can you feel happy?'"

"Yea, ok, fair. But seriously, how am I supposed to answer that?"
"Think it over for a while, I suppose. That's what I did."

Marnie sat up, looking to the ground as she tossed around the concept.

"I guess I can do that." She looked at her bot friend. "Thanks for the advice, I needed that."
"Don't mention it. Just please ask me less existential questions about myself."
"I guess I can do that too.

Thanks for reading!