The Arcane Society

Chapter 28.3

August 19th: 11:03 PM

Recitals, Relapses, and Sleep

I'm lying in my bed, the same bed that gives me comfort and safety after a long day. Unfortunately, I can't sleep.

Elisabeth, you have a piano recital tomorrow, you know that. My brain nagged.

I can't. I'm nervous, okay? And...frightened.

With what?

I'm relapsing, every horrible memory of school is coming back. I don't know what kind of year this'll turn out to be. I'm biting my nails again.

I've have a bad habit, since I was 7, that I bite my nails. I've tried every angle, nervousness, pressure, horror. Nothing worked. I've already bitten 3 nails down to stubs by now just yesterday.

I also have memory relapses. My mind shows me every single sin I've committed over the years.

I think I need sleep. But I'm going to the counselor the first week of school.

Why?

I'm tired of all the bullying I get, even if I put my sanity there for a reason.

I'm sick of my friends not realizing how much kindness I've put in, and how many outbursts I've had to deal with.

I'm tired of everyone taking advantage of me, so I don't ever let anyone in anymore.

I'm sick of everyone treating me like a little kid, for the way I act as a mini adult.

I'm tired and frightened of my mom getting pissed off at me at the slightest mistake. I'm supposed to be the perfect daughter. All A's, manners, elegant, studying my ass off all the time.

I'm sick of my two brother's reputation following me around, like I'm supposed to be a mini version. I'm always stuck in their shadow!!

I'm sick of my braces and glasses hindering my appearance. They look ugly, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm cursed.

I'm sick of the boy population being so stupid! All they do is yak about football and hit on girls who look impeccable. (Katie looks fantastic and she matches mostly well with Sam)

I'm sick of acting tough for the sake of others.

You're overreacting.

..Am I, or is that what I want to believe?

People will find you unpleasant.

Hah! The human mind is senile, fragile, and selfish. Go ahead, I don't need people to ridicule me anymore.

You have a better fate than others.

Really? I'm probably on the verge of either a mental breakdown, emotion breakdown, or PTSD. I probably have enough to match an hospital patient.

You're a future attorney-at-law! You are to look for the truth.

Nobody even cares about the truth anymore. This generation is shallow, and the adults aren't the only ones who see it.

Why don't I attempt to sleep, let's see if I have any remaining feelings the next morning?

But, I simply can't. I reach over and hug my pink stuffed elephant for once in more 3 years or so. And let out everything I needed to. With a soft sob, I've started to hug my elephant tighter.

Those warm tears streaking down my cheek felt good for once. There was no one to tell me to stop sniveling, nor was there anyone to probe my feelings.

This year, I'm determined to make one thing clear. Make sure everyone knows how I feel.