The Daily Sigh

O Florida, Why Art Thou This Way?

A Florida woman who “farted loudly” in a Dollar General store in Dania Beach was arrested Sunday after threatening to “gut” a man who complained, cops say.

The Miami Herald reported his week that Shanetta Yvette Wilson, aged 37, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill after the incident. Her arrest was confirmed using inmate information posted by the Broward County Sheriff's Office.

The newspaper, which obtained a copy of the complaint affidavit, reported that the altercation started after a customer in the shop standing next to the woman—named as John Walker, age unknown—got into an argument that was “in reference to the defendant farting loudly.”

Wilson, the complaint alleged, pulled out a “lock back knife” from her purse, opened it and told Walker that she was going to “gut” him. The woman then motioned with the knife “as if she was going to attack the victim with it,’ the Miami Herald reported, citing police records.

The affidavit said Wilson had been “in fear that he was going to be stabbed by the defendant.” The suspect was located by local law enforcement and detained. According to the inmate information online, she was taken to Paul Rein Detention Facility on $2,500 bond.

It’s not the first time someone has gotten in trouble for passing gas in the state.

Earlier this year, a Florida security guard was fired from his job at the Heart of Florida Regional Medical Center after posting videos online of him farting while on-the-job. The man, using the name Paul Flart online, recorded his own sacking in a YouTube video posted in August.

A man informed Flart he was being let go for recording himself farting “75 times” while in uniform. Flart wrote on Twitter: “Flatulence are a normal bodily function. God blessed me with lactose intolerance and I was just trying to bless everyone with my sphincter symphony!”

He later told the Miami Herald: “My family is upset about me losing my job, but know I will crush at anything I put my mind to. There’s a whole new opportunity out there for me now.”

Also in Florida this week, two men were arrested on suspicion of murdering their former roommate over a missing PlayStation 4. In Yulee, a man was accused of repeatedly stabbing a woman in the head with a fork over an undercooked baked potato. Meanwhile, a Largo man was charged with first degree murder in connection with the death of a 7-week-old baby.
-------

Not sure I ever want to revisit that state....