Veronica [Zarry]

bad bitch

Breakfast is beyond awkward. There's silence and unspoken tension and he just keeps looking at me, upset look on his face.

"Zayn," he clears his throat. "Is everything alright?"

I think I might explode. "No, no it's no," I admit. "There's something I'm afraid to te-"

"Claire broke up with him," mum says, pouring him more coffee. "He just wants to know if it's okay if he can stay here while he figures things out."

I bite my tongue, blinking back warm tears.

"Of course," he smiles. "I'm sorry to hear that son."

"Y-yeah," my voice breaks. "Me too. I loved her a lot."

Well, technically I'm not lying. I think losing her is harder than realizing Liam was never in it for the right reasons. She had me so fooled.

All I can do is ask myself why. I swear I've never intentionally hurt anyone and then this.

Was all her convincing me he was no good just so she could have him for herself? I feel sick, a wave of nausea creeping up on me. I quickly excuse myself, rushing into the tiny bathroom right off the kitchen.

I puke out my feelings, doubled over the toilet, hair plastered to my sweaty forehead. My mum rushes in like the angel she is, presses a cold wet rag to my skin.

"You're hiding something," she whispers. "What has my sonshine so upset?"

My entire body trembles and I can't fucking see straight, it's all a blur. I'd pass out if I even tried to stand. My palms are clammy and I need to peel off a layer of skin, rinse away every inch of me he ever touched because I feel so violated.

"My sweet boy," she gently rubs my back. "Somebody will love you. It wasn't meant to be."

Mothers always know.

"N-no," I stammer. "You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what sweetheart?"

It's too hot, I need fresh air and room to breathe and a heart that isn't wounded.

"He cheated on me with Claire."

The silence says everything. It's so damn loud, I think my brain might explode.

"Then she wasn't your friend," her voice clips, snags and I don't want her to cry again. "You could do better than him and no, I'm not just saying that because I'm your mum, I mean it. If he doesn't treat you like you're the moon and all his stars, walk away. You're my entire world my sweet."

She kisses my cheek, helps me onto my feet. "Shower and brush your teeth. I'll make you some lemon and honey tea."

"Mum," I hug her, bury my face in the crook of her neck.

I sip slowly at my tea, play Pokémon until I'm bored. My eyes scan my childhood room and I smile softly, gaze landing on my comic book shelf. I stuffed some magazines in there, tried to hide covers of shirtless guys. I always felt so confused about my sexuality, ashamed women never made me feel the same way. I get up, flick through one of the magazines, finger tracing the lines and contours of the models, admiring the male anatomy.

I feel like a horny exploratory teenager, hiding secrets from my parents. I bury it under my pillow, keep the page open to a man with soft curls. I've always had a thing for curls.

Next is my closet, which I'm still halfway hiding in. I chuckle to myself, slide open the doors. It's a sea of green, hints of red and all black. I find a hidden bag of makeup, things I've stolen from my sisters. My heart races as I apply lipstick, hand slightly trembling. I swipe on some mascara that's starting to dry out, find myself staring in my bathroom mirror.

I look so...I keep searching for the right word but my brain falters. There's a knock on my bedroom door and I panic, calling out that I'm in the bathroom.

"It's Walyhia. Can we please talk?"

I let out a heavy sigh, crack open the door and he stands there, slightly stunned. "You can't tell dad," I whisper, closing the door behind us.

"Okay-" she touches my face. "You look so pretty Zayn."

"Thank you," I blush. "I wanted to tell you for so long but I was so scared."

Her arms wrap around me, she rests her head on my chest and I feel so comforted. Family means everything to me. I'd die for my sisters.

"Mum told me," she says quietly. "You deserve better. If you ever bring a boy home and I don't like him you'll know. I think I'm a pretty good judge of character."

I chuckle, run my fingers through her hair. "I wish I was as beautiful as you."

"To me you are. Find someone who looks beyond gender and just sees you the way we see you, kind and gentle and the best brother ever," she giggles. "You've done so much for me, I hate that I wasn't there to help you through this."

"You are now."

"Yeah," she smiles. "Let's eat ice cream and crisps all day and watch every movie with Ryan Reynolds."

I realize how lucky I am to have a family that supports me, one that would do anything to make me happy.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You already did," she smirks and I roll my eyes.

"Do you think you can maybe help me learn more about makeup?"

She squeals, digging around in my toiletry bag. "I can't believe you're letting me do this."

"I trust you, don't make me look like a clown or something."

We burst into laughter and she gets to work, intense look on her face. This sudden warmth settles in my stomach, I feel a million butterflies take flight. It feels so forbidden.

"Okay," she grins, pulling me towards the mirror. "Look how stunning."

"Who is she," I ask jokingly.

It looks way sexier than anything Claire has ever done. I start to realize she isn't any better than me.

Maybe she just feels threatened.

When I'm up on that pole, I command attention, I have the room mesmerized and her movements always feel too forced, rehearsed.

Veronica is a bad bitch.