the art of faking a smile. (under-construction)

21. Afraid

HIDEKI POV

I flinch slightly and look down in shame. The words replaying in my head, making my brain a whole mess. The world feels like it's spinning and the rushing students make me feel nauseous. Black stars are soon covering my vision. I grip onto Justin's shirt in which he looks at me in confusion.

"I-I can't see." I start to panic, my breathing quickening and my legs shaky.

"Wait, let me get you somewhere more isolated." Justin holds onto my wrist, leading me to an emptier hallway, near a corner.

He puts down his and my books before holding onto my arms as support. My legs are shaking. "Why can't I see anything? Why can't I breathe? What's happening?" My knees give up and I'm about to fall until Justin catches me in time and sits me against a wall.

He touches my somewhat sweaty neck to check my temperature. "Fuck, you have cold sweat," he swears under his breath. "Just stay calm okay? Take deep breaths and hold onto me." I do as I'm told, struggling to breath in and out rhythmically. Soon my vision clears up and I'm able to look at my surroundings once again. My limbs feel limp, I feel light-headed and I want to puke.

Justin grabs his bottle and smiles sympathetically. "You're lucky I have my bottle with me, drink up, you need water in your system." I take his drink bottle from his hands and gulp down as much water as I can.

I sigh and rub my temples, at least the nausea and dizziness is gone. I just can't believe what just happened. I give back Justin's bottle which is now almost empty.

"Sorry, I drank most of your water." I apologise.

"No need to be, you needed it," his face then turns serious. "Hideki, have you been taking care of yourself lately? Because I forgot to mention that I've realised you've become a bit paler and thinner. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Well, I may or may not have been pulling all nighters almost every night and constantly overthink my problems and my brother, so I guess my daily schedule is a bit stuffed up?" Also because my mind always ends up thinking about Dylan, resulting to me not being able to concentrate. I admit sheepishly, hoping he won't make a big deal out of it.

"Oh my fucking god, dude, you need to take care of yourself more. I know we have exams and assessments to finish up, but we still need to properly take care of ourselves. And taking a look at you, I see a sleep deprived and dehydrated guy, it's really obvious! That's why this fucking happened too!" Justin lectures.

I look down in guilt. "Sorry for making you worry, I promise I'll take care of myself more."

"Good," he stands up. "Also I feel like there's more to it than not taking care of yourself well. You seriously need someone to talk to about it and it doesn't even have to be me, just wanna let you know that you can feel free to rant about random shit to me okay? Don't think you have to carry all the burden yourself." Justin helps me up to my feet.

"Thanks Justin, but I promise you, I'm okay and I will be okay." I smile at him, the fact that he's trying to reassure me already makes me feel a whole lot better because it is true, I feel complete, utter, shit.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the health centre for early leave or something?"

"Dude I'm okay, now stop acting like a worried boyfriend and let's get to class." I laugh, Justin rolls his eyes and together we hastily walk to our class.

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"Phew, got here right on time." I sigh in relief, Justin laughs and nods.

I look around to find any empty seats and found one near the front. As Justin and I were on our way to our seats, I catch a glimpse at Dylan in the back row with his (and my) friends. He didn't take note of the fact I came in and continued laughing with his friends, it's as if I never existed in his life. I frown but shake it off and take my seat, talking to Justin whilst waiting for class to begin.

The moment I put my eyes off Dylan, I feel ice cold daggers stabbing my back and making me shiver. I try to ignore it throughout the whole lesson but it's so hard to avoid.

I feel shaken up and tense. I don't know whether or not it's because of how paranoid I feel at that moment, but I can even feel the arrows of unsaid, hurtful words stab my back along with those cold daggers. It feels so fucking painful and I'm so tempted to scream in contempt and beg for mercy. It's as if he is the king and I'm the mere peasant he looks down upon.

For once in my whole entire life, I'm afraid of my childhood friend.

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Fuck, this chap got deleted somehow and I had to re-write it.