the art of faking a smile. (under-construction)

31. Loving Life

CASSIE POV

So lately Chris has been acting even more depressed (and terrifying) and it's beginning to concern me.

I'd like to think it's not about the talk going around about him at this school but it most likely is. And I really hope he'll be able to cruise through the rest of this term without snapping. He's already beginning to push people away from him, including me... very much including me. He always seems uneasy or unsure when around me and all I can do is overthink what I do. I myself am beginning to feel I'm losing the person I feel at ease around.

I'll be alone... again.

Well if that does ever happen then it should be fine. I've always felt alone since the beginning so being alone now should be just the usual. I guess I'll just mentally prepare myself for the isolation. Man there must be something seriously wrong about me.

"Yo Chris, wanna study together after school?-"

"No I'm gonna go straight home and study on my own." He cuts me off, looking down with yet again that nervous expression.

"O-Oh, sorry."

"Nah it's all good... see you later." He walks away from me and approaches Emma who was nearby.

I ignore the pain in my chest watching them from afar and instead smile at how cute of a couple they would be. But the smile only lasts for a second as I walk my own way and I rub my face with my two hands as a means of a refresh. "Maybe the reason I haven't been myself recently is because of the uneven sleeping patterns I'm having. I should probably fix that." I mutter.

A few metres away from my locker and the idiotic me stops and looks back at them again. Was it hope that maybe Chris doesn't hate me and is just stressed about work? Or was it to just hurt myself even more seeing him joining another group? Who knows? Even I don't know myself why I do such things.

I shake my head and walk away.

Guess Chris won't be having lunch with us.

----------

I'm making my way towards my own group when I see them laughing so heartily. And seeing them from afar makes me admire how connected they are, and it makes me glad that they're happy.

I wonder if they act the same when I'm there too...

My eyes widen in horror for what I thought. And before I could even stop it, thoughts like these begin spilling out. I shake my head and take deep breaths. "I can't and won't let this happen again."

I march my way to the others. "'sa dudes."

"Oh, it's Cassie." Carlos says, giving a half-hearted wave before continuing to eat his lunch.

"Where's your partner-in-crime?" Summer raises her eyebrows.

"Dunno, he just walked off doing his own thing." I shrugged.

"Aw man, shame." Akio sighed.

"But I mean it was expected for him to ignore Cassie like that," This catches my attention. "Yet who would have thought he would believe those rumours."

"Wait what do you mean? How am I involved now?" I groan, the others carry on discussing the topic, not paying attention to my question. Figured.

"I don't really get it myself though, first, I never thought he would do something that bad and I won't believe it until he says it's true," Carlos and Summer agree with Akio. "And second, Cassie wouldn't have spread that rumour right? Like, Summer, are you sure Emma heard right?"