the art of faking a smile. (under-construction)

20. Two hearts broken and betrayed

HIDEKI POV

"You know, lately I've realised you're never hanging around your own group nor Dylan anymore. Did you guys get into a fight? Oh no, is it my fault? I'm really sorry if it is and I'll help resolve this for you..." Justin apologises, looking guilty. These past days I've been hanging out with Justin and I've realised he isn't as distant and robotic as he seems. He's a really kind and apologetic dude, it's kind of... cute.

"Ah, no don't worry it's not your fault. I made the choice to hangout with you." I reply.

"Oh... but honestly, I feel like you're avoiding Dylan and I was wondering if it was because of that time at the cafe. Plus you've been acting kinda strangely." Justin lifts an eyebrow.

"No it wasn't that time and you don't need to worry about me, I haven't changed one bit!" I answer with a smile.

But inside I'm crumbling. 

My mind always ends up wandering towards Dylan and all I want to do is forget about him. I don't want to feel this way anymore, it hurts so fucking much. That's why I'm avoiding him like a plague-carrying fly so I can rebuild the barrier I put around myself that he broke. I know it's selfish of me to leave my whole group alone, but I just can't be in the same group as him. I'm... afraid of him, afraid of loving and afraid of losing myself because of love. I'm just afraid of everything that's related to love and I hate that I'm afraid of this stupid four letter word.

Why can't I like someone so freely, without feeling paranoid or afraid? Just like how Akio or Summer does, or how everyone else in the world does.

"Hideki?" Justin snaps me out of my thoughts, his face filled with worry. "You look kinda distraught, are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I laugh, but it ends up sounding broken. I feel like having a mental breakdown and I probably look like it too.

"It's kinda obvious something happened between you and Dylan," Justin deadpans. "So if you want to talk it out, I'm here for you."

Those words relieve me slightly and it makes me want to tell Justin everything so badly. About my family, my crush I want to forget about, every problem. I want to tell him all those things, but I can't. The words just won't come out of my mouth.

"Actually you know what? Ever since we started hanging out, you looked like you shit your pants every single hour of the day. So I'm gonna take you out on the weekend. When are you free?" Justin says, he blushes slightly, he never usually takes initiative like this so it was a surprise for me.

My face lights up and I lean towards him. "I'm free any day!" Justin smiles at me.

"Okay, then let's go somewhere. Somewhere fun and thrilling to relieve some stress." He laughs.

"It's a date!" I laugh, winking at him. Justin starts coughing and blushes, a surprised look on his face.

"I did not ask you out on a date, I only said I'd take you out! Only in a friendly way!" He says.

"No you totally asked me out, and I gladly said yes!" My laughing slows down, my face red from the laughter.

"Nope."

"Still a date." I grins. The bell soon rings to signal the end of lunch, Justin and I stand up.

"Saturday, 11am and meet me at the train station near our school." Justin informs in which I nod at, I'm kind of excited about this hangout or 'date'. For once I'll completely forget about Dylan and enjoy myself. I'm sure I'll slowly be able to forget about my feelings for him, and maybe possibly fall for Justin, who knows? I mean Justin is a really sweet guy, he's kind of cute and his body isn't bad either. He just needs to work on his posture a bit, he lacks self confidence, but I can definitely help him with that. And his crystal blue eyes... they're so nice and cool, it could pierce my very soul within a glimpse.

"Justin?" he hums in reply. "Thanks for cheering me up, it means a lot to me. I'm glad I was able to make a friend like you." I smile shyly at him. Justin looks surprised at first, not knowing how to answer, but then he just smiles genuinely at me, putting an arm over my shoulder.

"No worries, you looked really stressed before so I'm glad you're okay now."

We continue walking together to our class, our arm over each other's shoulders and in the distance, I feel like I'm being watched. I look back and see Dylan with a somewhat angry and betrayed face, just a couple metres away from me. I quickly look back and for some reason, I feel terrified and guilty. I can feel his scary aura approaching me and I start to sweat, I feel like panicking, like I always do whenever my dad hurts my younger brother. But this time, I'm afraid of my own crush, my own childhood friend.

Dylan walks past me and mutters something that I'm just able to make out, and those words shatters me.

"Fucking cowardly asshole."

***********

Whoa there son.

Also chapters might get a bit shorter because I'm kinda getting busy lol.