the art of faking a smile. (under-construction)

37. Dream girl

CASSIE POV

Why?

Why all of a sudden does he confess? Does he even mean it?

Damn it, just when I was going to move on he suddenly says, 'Oh, I like like you so can you forgive me?' Fucking hell man, let me just move on in peace.

Anyway back to reality, I flood him with questions in which he replies genuinely. Which makes me even more confused.

Am I dreaming?

Will this dream be over if I accept so easily? So many questions are in my mind I don't know what to do.

"I guess our feelings are mutual." Is all I decide to say, which is completely idiotic of me. This could be a joke and I'm just adding fuel to the flame. Let's just see how this goes, I'll be ready if this is just a prank.

"Cool..." Chris continues nodding before he shoots his head back up at me in astonishment.

"Wait what? Really?" He exclaims, he looks subtly joyous.

"Yeah, and I just decided not to tell you because obviously a stone-hearted asshole would never fall in love with an ugly bitch." I state as a matter of fact, shrugging. Might've sounded a bit passive-aggressive though oops.

He sighs. "Cassie you're not ugly, you're not all of those things I told you the other day."

I'm annoyed. "If you think I wasn't then why did you say I was?"

"I was mad! I drew to conclusions, thought it was you, as a result insulted you. Everything was my fault and I'm really, really sorry."

I give it some thought yet I still can't figure out why. I'm an annoying piece of shit towards my friends so why would he like me?

"Let's just talk it out okay? Let me explain."

I just hope he's not bluffing.

----------

"My parents divorced when I was 7." He starts.

We're sitting on a bench facing the view of the oval where students are playing soccer or simply walking around and chilling.

"They wanted to start their own lives away from each other. And since they wanted to cut ties, they both didn't want me in the picture, so I was left alone." Guess I'm right about him having a lot going on.

"Fortunately my Aunt from my mum's side adopted me so now I'm apart of her family. But she already has a lot of children to take care of so I still felt so alone." He stares up at the sky, covered in soothing blue and marshmallow clouds.

"All these years I felt so much anger towards my real mum and dad for leaving me. I always asked myself why. Why did they have to split up? Why did they have to leave me out? Did they even consider my feelings? Did they even see me as a human being?" I can sense so many emotions coming out of his words and all I can do is sympathetically look at him and touch his shoulder.

I feel so pathetic and unsupportive. Sympathy is bullshit, everyone knows that, yet that is all I can do. Why can't I be a good friend? Why can't I do something more than this? Why aren't I good at anything? Why am I suddenly making this about me?

There's an uncomfortable silence in the air until Chris continues. "Maybe that's why I'm such a rude and judgemental jerk. Ever since then, I just decided to shut away my feelings and push everyone away. Maybe that's why I had no friends at my last school, no one even dared to talk to me and maybe that's why people believed the rumour so easily. Before I didn't mind any of it, my only goal was to graduate and get a job."