Anathema Reneau [1]

FIFTEEN

It's Sunday morning before everything is sorted out. Appointments have been postponed, clients told to contact the firms for anything they might need, and anyone important will only call me in case of emergencies. Including family.

I drag my overnight bag out of the car, for now, making my way to the front door of the residential part of the compound. I manage to fish out my access card and the door beeps open gladly. 

I head straight for the fifth floor, the lift journey taking no time at all. And, if it did, I barely felt it. I adjust my bag on my shoulder, heading into the main kitchen space. Once I'm there, I drop it to the side of the entrance way and head for the counter.

I'm searching for a perfectly sized large mug for tea when someone behind me opens up a different cupboard and takes out two.

"Steve's always reorganising the damn thing. Keeps his mind busy." Bucky passes me one, before pouring himself some coffee from the filled pot.

"And your mind? How is it now?" I turn on the kettle to boil the water I need, before going to grab some milk from the fridge.

The silence makes me rethink the words I just spoke without hesitation.

"Oh, I'm sorry! That was completely insensitive of me, Bucky. I'm sorry if I caused you any harm."

He smiles. He actually smiles.

"Nah, 's alright. Better than being treated like glass." The kettle makes the noise I'm waiting for, and I start pouring the water.

"They walk around you on eggshells, I'm guessing?" Milk and sugar next. "Can't be fun."

"At first, it was alright. I was unsure about things myself. But now... now I wanna live a normal life."

"It gets tiring after a while, people treating you like you're gonna break. If they do it for too long, you end up lashing out. I learnt that the hard way." I finish mixing the brew and leave the spoon in the sink.

"Yeah? What's your trauma?" We both sit down at the island.

"Nothing compared to yours. But then again, it takes different things to break different people."

"Everyone's strong in their own way. You can't compare trauma." I take a deep breath.

"My, uh, my cousin. I lost her when I was pretty young. We were playing by a small cliff when my family was on holiday in Cornwall and I never forgave myself for what happened next."

-

"Riley, be careful! You'll fall!" I roll my eyes, something I've recently learnt from my dad.

"Oh, boo-hoo. You're just a scaredy-cat!"

"Am not!" She crosses her and pouts, but moves slightly closer.

"Are too!"

"Am not, am not, am not!" She lunges at me, but adrenaline rushes through me and I sidestep her at the very last minute.

As her body goes over the edge, every sound fades away except both of our screams as I go after her.

-

I don't tell Bucky that I went after her. It wouldn't make sense how I'm still alive otherwise.

"I miss her, so much. Lily deserved a better cousin than me." I hear myself sniffle, and that's when I know there are tears in my eyes.

"You can't blame yourself for that. It was something no kid could've anticipated."

"Thanks, Bucky. You know, for someone who doesn't remember every aspect of their life, you really do have some good advice."

"Thanks, doll. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to Steve about his cleaning habits." He smiles, before leaving.

I sit there sipping my tea slowly so as not to burn my tongue, wishing I had been able to save Lily.

-

"It's all your daughter's fault! She doesn't deserve those genes, not the with the reckless way she acts!"

I keep my eyes closed with a force, not wanting to let any tears escape as my aunt yells once more at my mum.

"Oh, grow up, Ri! It was a stupid and harmless prank on a teacher."

"Her idiotic thinking is exactly why Lily is no longer here!"

"Excuse me?! Get out of my house!" Silence. "Leave, now! Get out! I never want to see your face again!"

The door slams and my eyes open, the waterworks no longer held back effectively.

-

"Ana, darling? Are you alright?" I wipe away the remaining tears.

"Yeah, just some... just some memories that decided to pinch at me."

"Barnes... gave me a brief summary. It wasn't your fault. It couldn't have been."

"I should've saved her. It should've been me." I feel gravity weighing me down and, if it wasn't for Loki, I'd probably have fallen heavily into the floor.

Instead, he scoops me up into his arms and places me gently on the sofa by the coffee table.

"Don't say things like that, please, love. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here. You've given me a sense of normalcy, and I can never repay you for that."

I burrow into the crook of his neck, my body warm and heavy on top of him as he wraps an arm around me. Lying between his legs is the greatest feeling.

The feeling of home.

"Oh, Loki. I've completely ruined the mood for the trip, haven't I?"

"You could never do that, love," he chuckles. "I love you far too much for that to happen."

My eyes open wider and I sit up slightly, looking into the mischievous emerald eyes.

"Loki... you just said you love me for the first time."

"Oh. Well, if you don't feel the same way, or you're just not ready to say it yet, I will completely understand. But now that I've said it, there's no going back. I love you, Anathema Reneau."

I bite my bottom lip, before pressing both of them to his, cupping his face gently.

"I love you, too, Loki Laufeyson." There's a confused expression on his face.

"Did Thor-"

"Let's just say I can get information out of anyone when they're drunk." He smiles and I grin.

"No wonder it was so easy for me to say those three little words. You are the woman of my dreams."

I pull him into a kiss one more time, nothing but love behind it.

"You guys mind doing that somewhere else? I just needed a cup of coffee," comes Tony's sleep-deprived voice.

"Let's head to my room," he says, picking me up bridal style. One of his favourite positions. "There's a gift in there for sure," he whispers into my ear.