Alex looked as if he was in a huge rush to get out of this house as quickly as humanly possible. I wondered what had happened in such a short amount of time. His face was flushed and he ushered me out of the living room in a blur.
We were speeding off in his car as soon as we buckled our belts. I didn't understand what was happening so I reached over to place my hand on his arm and I was surprised and a little hurt when he pulled away. I could tell he didn't mean to do it, he was lost in his head. As so often he was. He apologized to me and kissed the back of my hand.
"Is everything ok, Al?"
"Em, I'm actually not feeling quite well at the moment. I'm sorry, love. Would you be hurt if I drive you home?"
I was a tad disappointed but if he was feeling ill, I wouldn't make him feel even worse. "That's fine. I'm sorry you're not feeling well." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze then disappeared on me once again.
We both exited the car in silence and he walked me to my door. I unlocked it and walked inside, noticing that he was lingering in the door frame. Something was definitely off, I wished he would let me inside what was going on. I didn't like feeling like an outsider, which I often did when we were together. I was slowly unveiling all of the things that had made me so insecure when we were a couple.
"Alex?"
He returned to Earth and stared at me like he was wondering how he got to where he was at this very moment.
"Yes. I'm so sorry, darling." He stepped inside with his hands deep in his pants pockets.
I moved in to close the gap between us. I placed the back of my hand on his forehead. Physically he was fine. Mentally, I had no clue where he was. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead. "Go home and rest."
I backed away from him, turning my back. To say the least, I would be a little disappointed spending my evening solo. I had given tremendous thought into doing what I thought about so very often since we were in each other's lives again. But if he was going to space out on me every so often, I don't know that I could handle it.
I felt his arms wrap around my waist from behind. "I'm so sorry, Soph. I didn't mean to ruin your evening. Just not feeling meself right now. Please don't be hurt."
I was hurt. He wasn't going to explain what had happened and after everything that we'd been through, it just wasn't making any sense. I was often left out of the loop in things that went on in his life in the past. I wouldn't stand for it happening again. He could go home and play sick tonight, but he had some explaining to do sooner or later.
"It's okay, Al. Really. Go home."
His grip tightened around me. He was making it hard to be mad at him.
"Sleep sound in the knowledge that I just wanna be yours, baby."
And just like that, I was sucked back into La La Land.
He kissed my neck so softly, squeezing me from behind one last time. I was left feeling cold and angry. I was going to give in to my desires tonight. It had been my plan. And this time, it wasn't me who had fucked it up.
When I heard the door close behind him, I felt the urge to run after him and slap him. How dare he leave after whispering that shit to me. He always made things so complicated. I guessed that was part the fun of loving him. How stupid I was. I laughed out loud to myself, throwing my hands up in the air.
"Alex Fucking Turner, everyone."
*****
I was so angry with myself after leaving Sophie. I just didn't see any other way around it. The mindset I was in at the moment wouldn't have done me any favors. Being honest with her probably would be the best thing to do, but could I delve back so deeply into my past and tell her the truth? She'd hate me forever for not telling her sooner. If I hadn't run smack into Sarah, none of this would even be relevant and I could go on about trying to woo Sophie completely back into my life. Bang up job I was doing.
