Dear Y/n Murphy: Evan H. x Reader

Chapter Five

When I sit at the table, I make eye contact with Connor. He smiles, watching as mom sets the food out. Evan sits beside me, a warm look on his face. While we eat, my thoughts overwhelm me.

Evan Hansen just fucking kissed me. I kissed him. I kissed his cheek. Nice. Cool. Good. Fuck. I can't believe this. Who would've thought? My stomach squirms as I think about it. His lips are so soft, softer than you'd think. Oh god, why am I even thinking like this? Is this how Jared thinks?

No, Jared's thoughts are definitely more 18+ than my PG13 thoughts. His thoughts probably contain lewd words and such. The image that forms in my head turns my cheeks hot. And that's the last time I try to think like Jared.

I cringe. What the hell am I thinking? I take a bite of my food, attempting to erase the thoughts from my head. I focus on the flavor in my mouth, my eyes trailing to the side as I swallow. I find it hard to concentrate on anything other than the kiss.

"So, Evan." My mom's voice snaps my attention back to the present.

"Yeah?" He asks as I look at him.

"Tell us about yourself." My mom gives him a warm smile.

"Mom." I whisper shout, giving her a panicked look.

"No, it's ok." Evan smiles. "What would you want to know?"

"Well, to start off easy.. what's your favorite color?" My mom asks, smiling.

"Purple." Evan says. "Any dark shade of purple or indigo."

"Nice choice." She smiles. "How about your favorite music."

"Jazz. I actually play guitar in jazz band." Evan lights up, giving my mom a happy grin.

"Jazz? I love jazz." She sighs dreamily.

As they continue talking, I glance at Connor. He shrugs and takes a bite of food. I look down, playing with my hands. I pull at my shirt and press my fingers against the chair I am in. As Mom and Evan talk, Connor joins in. I feel a sudden flush of loneliness as I grit my teeth.

I don't even feel myself stand up. But when I do, it's so quick, that my chair obnoxiously squeaks against the floor. "I need to use the restroom." I say quickly, taking a step back.

I awkwardly bump into my chair as I leave the table, almost apologizing in the process. I stumble, regaining my balance with a red face. They continue talking once I leave. I go to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I breathe out and turn on the cold water. I splash my face with the cool liquid, looking at the mirror.

My face drips with water as I stare at my reflection. I sigh and wipe my face, leaning on the door. I stand still for a moment before walking back to the table. The three talk, smiling at me. "So, Y/n.." Evan says, breaking away from the conversation.

"Huh?" I look at him.

"What do you wanna do when we're done with dinner?" The question should be casual, but his expression says otherwise.

I feel my face involuntarily grow red. "I-I don't know, whatever you want, I guess."

He looks down at his empty plate. "Thanks for the meal, Mrs. Murphy, Y/n and I are gonna head upstairs." He gives my mom a genuine smile.

Connor discreetly winks at me as Evan takes my hand. He leads me upstairs and to my room. Possible scenarios cloud my thoughts, some forcing a blush to my face. We sit on my bed, neither one of us talking. I look away as he glances at me, unable to stare into his eyes. "Do you have a guitar?" Evan asks, giving me a grin.

I look at him for a moment before nodding. "Yeah.. somewhere in the attic."

"Let's go grab it." He smiles, standing back up.

I follow him, leading him to the hallway. I pull the ladder down and climb up. We stand, pressed together in the small room. My face catches on fire as I clumsily reach for the guitar. I grab it awkwardly and face Evan again. Him being the taller one, he looks down at me.

I back away as much as possible, only earning an inch of space, leaving our chests still in contact. I avert my gaze, looking anywhere but at Evan. With a small bit of struggle, he takes my chin in his palm, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"E-Evan.." I whisper, my gaze inevitably lowering to his lips.

"Yeah..?" He asks in the same hushed tone.

No words leave my mouth as I fail to comprehend the situation. He smiles, his hand still on my chin. He tips my head up as he ducks down to kiss me. I melt into him as his lips meet mine. I take his hand and intertwine our fingers.

My heart pounds against my rib cage as his hands find my waist. He breaks the kiss briefly, giving me a chance to breathe. I look down, my forehead against his shoulder. "I love you." I say quietly.

After a second, realization hits me like a sucker punch. "Shit, that's not what I— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's ok.." He dismisses, smiling. "I don't mind."

I nod, closing my eyes. After another moment, we decide it's too cramped in the attic, so we climb back down. I lead him back to my bedroom, smiling as he plucks the strings of the guitar. He plays a small tune, sitting back. "What do you want me to try and play?"

I think for a moment, smiling at him. "How about f/song?"

"Uh, I can try." He nods, strumming the strings again. He tunes the guitar and begins to play.

He plays almost perfectly, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. I watch as he relaxes, playing. I applaud him when he finishes. "You're amazing!"

"Thanks." He smiles bashfully, setting the guitar down.

"Hey Evan, your parents are here!!" My mom calls.

He stands up, taking my hand. We walk downstairs, going outside to the driveway. He pecks my cheek, walking to his car. "See you at school." He blows me a kiss.

I sigh dreamily with a smile as I watch him leave. He waves at me, rolling his window down. "Bye!!"

I manage a small wave, my mind still reeling at the thought that he kissed me the second time that night. I smile again, my face flushing as I go upstairs and into my bedroom. I collapse onto my bed and sigh again, replaying the night in my head.