here's a letter from me to you. // jenlisa.

I

It was an idea that I toyed with because a lot of people kept asking which member would we like to date. I had thought about Jisoo-unnie and Chaeng and I decided that they both were too much like sisters to me to like, but you were different.

At first I only noticed more things about you. I noticed how you seemed to have different smiles for different occasions and how nice each of them were, even the fake ones. I noticed how you seemed to always try to do your best even when you were in pain or tired to your bones. I noticed how much you loved our fans and how much you hated to disappoint them even when you didn’t mean to. I noticed how easily surprised you were and how adorable your reactions were.

I noticed all those things and more about you. It scared me just how incredible you started to look in my eyes. I wanted to get closer to you and I wanted you to notice me more. I didn’t want this feelings. It was uncanny, and thinking about just how everyone would react if they knew really scared me.

Basically my whole life was on the line, but I still couldn’t seem to help myself around you. My body seemed to have a mind of its own when it came to you. It longed to be close to you.

I chose the seat closest to you even when I didn't have to. I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and keep you sheltered from the outside world because I was starting to see just how precious you were. I loved it when the day was cold because I got to wear warm clothes and you would snuggle to me because you loved them.

When the others were gone, I pretended that I was spending the whole day in our apartment. Sometimes when you were out we would play board games and laugh our asses off because I would get mad for losing and we’d have rounds of pillow fight, or I'd watch you try on a new recipe in the kitchen and you would pretend to be mad because I happily ate the whole thing.

Even if sometimes you just locked yourself up in your room, in my mind we were still a couple spending a lazy day in our home. In my mind you were the wife-material Jennie Kim with excellent cooking.

But in reality? You, Jennie Kim, were an enigma. A once in a dozen lifetimes occurrence.

You threw me completely off my game and I just never seemed to get everything right with you; because there was always a piece of the puzzle that would never fit with the others.

When I thought I'd gotten you all figured out, you became distant and like a snake stripping off its skin you became a stranger all over again. Even Jisoo-unnie had troubles with your bipolarity sometimes.

Meanwhile, Chaeyoung shouldn’t even bother at all. She only knew when you were happy, or sad, or upset, or angry, or annoyed. She never knew when you were happy but sad, or angry and sad and happy at the same time. She just didn’t get it.

I wouldn’t blame her. She wasn’t as interested in you as I was. I invested too much time and attention on you and trying to understand you better, and even that was still not enough.

I guess when you're trying to explore all parts of the ocean on your own, even a lifetime will never be enough for you to succeed.

A/N

here's another update because i'm feeling generous.

every update would more or less be this long. i know it's short. this was meant to be a one-shot, but then i got carried away and it got too long for it to be a one-shot 😂

so i divided it into parts.

i hope you enjoy this one.

vote and comment always, lovelies.

until next time :)