here's a letter from me to you. // jenlisa.

VII

Chaeng and Jisoo-unnie were happy for us. When I told them about it, they just kept on saying ‘I told you so’. It was nice to have friends who would always have your back like them. They made it easy for us to be close at home. I wouldn’t know what to do if we had to have to hide from them and the rest of the world too at the same time.

It would probably be chaotic since I was bad at keeping good things a secret for a long time. I just wanted to show it to the world just how bad I was in love with you, but we both knew there were consequences from the life that we were living and that thing was nearly impossible to do without damaging our careers.

It was nice going on little dates with you, Jen; going to restaurants near our dorm at night covered from head to toe, pretending that we were normal teenagers going on dates with our hands intertwined and your head pressed close to my shoulder, those little secret make out session that we would have under the shadow of a building as we walked back to our dorm.

Chaeng would always be the first one to catch us on the couch. Wrapped in each other’s embrace while the TV was playing. Normally I would already be awake when that happened. I wouldn’t mind the TV and spend over an hour just looking at your face and playing with your hair.

Nobody told me that you were such a great kisser. You liked to have your bottom lip licked, and your neck was probably the most sensitive part of you.

You were furious at me once because I left a hickey on your neck and you had to spend more than half an hour trying to hide them with concealers since we had to perform on a private stage that afternoon, but at night later, you had your payback time.

The next morning Chaeng almost rushed me to the hospital because she thought someone had beaten me.

We didn’t have our first kiss until a week after I confessed, though. It was so corny now that I’m thinking about it.

I was going to tickle you because you were teasing me about my forehead, but as it turned out, you weren’t ticklish at all. You then flipped the table and I was the one left laughing my ass off from having been tickled almost to death. It was exactly like in the movie.

You suddenly stopped and we were suddenly looking into each other’s eyes. I wasn’t sure who kissed whom, but in the end we met in the middle.

“Woah,” you said then pulling back to catch your breath.

I was holding your waist and I said, “Yes, woah, indeed. But do you mind coming back here again? You didn’t tell me that you were such a great kisser.”

You slapped my arm. “You’re the one who didn’t tell me that! Was that not your first time?” you asked clearly having jealous thoughts in your head.

How could I even bring myself to kiss anybody else when I was too busy being in love with you?

“No, it was my first time,” I confessed then shyly. “How about you?”

“No, it wasn’t,” you said regretfully.
“But I promise you, that it was the best one I’ve ever had,” you then added eagerly mending my jealous heart.

I finally understood then how people in love felt about kissing the one they loved. I think it was stupid when those people said that they could go on forever kissing their lover. What about oxygen? You would die, silly. But after that day, Jen, I finally understood. When you loved someone beyond the point of you loving your life without them, you no longer cared about those things. Because in a self-destroying way, they were the only one that mattered to you.

You are the only thing that matters to me.