here's a letter from me to you. // jenlisa.

XII

We were unexpectedly conquering the world. BLACKPINK was reaching people all over the world to the point that wherever you went, at least someone would know even just our names.

‘BLACKPINK is the revolution,’ they said.

I would’ve been happy and cheering if it weren’t for the hate we were getting which was worse than ever.

There was seldom a night where you didn’t cry in my arms. Sometimes you didn’t even allow me to be there. On nights like those I stayed awake in front of your door watching over you just in case you needed me.

I hated seeing you broken like that.

In front of the camera you were always the cheerful and adorable Jennie Kim. They didn’t know that you were still a person who cried her eyeballs out because people called her a lazy slut. They didn’t know the way you broke down in my arms and how you slowly started to become a shell of the girl you used to be. They didn’t know how hard I tried to keep my tears in and be strong for you every night; how I tried to will those bad thoughts away from your mind.

I was your anchor at those times, Jen. I was that one voice you always listened to whenever the pressure started to become too hard to bear. I was that mental mirror you always try to look at when the real mirror just wouldn’t agree to help.

But I was confused.

Because you told me then that we were done.

You said you didn’t want any part in a relationship with no future.

You said you couldn’t risk losing what we had now.

You said you didn’t want to be my secret anymore.

You said you wanted to be with someone that you could show off to the rest of the world.

You said this wasn’t enough for you.

But why did you act the opposite way then?

Why did you still appear in front of my door?

Why did you come to me every time you couldn’t sleep?

Why did you linger?

Why did I always find you in my bedroom every night curled up against me under the blanket?

And why the hell did I never find any traces of you in the morning?