here's a letter from me to you. // jenlisa.

IX

Two months prior my confessions, we had our first night alone at home. Jisoo-unnie and Chaeng were overseas for a photoshoot. The thought of going to the next level with you had appeared in my mind more than once since my confession day.

(and probably thousands more since a year ago)

We were having a make out session in your room. We were both topless and the air was too hot. We both knew what was going to happen.

“Are you sure about this?” you asked as you looked down at me.

“Yes and no,” I admitted. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never done this before.”

It was so embarrassing admitting those things to you, Jen. But do you remember what you said?

You said, “It’s okay, baby. We’ll take it slow. We’re both new to this. We’ll figure it out on our own pace. I just know that as long as it’s with you, it would be better than with anybody else.”

And we did it. Until I got better to the point that I knew I had finally gotten better than anybody else like you said.

But it wasn’t enough for you, was it?

-

Three months prior and I told her I loved her on a hill overlooking the city that we rode to with a bike that I borrowed earlier.

She told me she loved me too from on top of the bike as she kissed me sweetly with tears running down her cheeks.

She was so beautiful.