it's her.

morning dialogue.

and she said
the only thing worse than
falling asleep
every night
is
waking up the other morning

why?
the day is starting
new chances, possibilities to be a good person, so many people to...

she can't breathe
she wakes up and
the air tastes toxic
her chest is heavy
and her skin feels cold
how is she supposed to handle another day?

you know
you're not alone
I am here
I am your friend
I mean
I'm not here when you wake up or I don't know about the heavy feelings in your chest, but...

she would like to cry
cry into her sheets
cause the inside rips her apart
but nobody sees what's going on

but see
yesterday we were drinking coffee
you got a donut!
I mean, there's no food on earth you love more than donuts and
believe me
things will work out
just get up for breakfast and...

as if she could taste anything at all
as if there's anything tasty in that fridge
she wants to sleep again
that's her hunger
the comforting appearance of being extraordinarily numb
feeling nothing
that feeds your mind
no stupid breakfast

ok so just tell me
how am I supposed to get you out of this bed?

you could try the things my father did
and throw something
or hit me in my face

you know that's unfair
I'm not...

or do it like his ex always did
and do the ice bucked challenge while I am asleep
(and some people do this for fun...)

hey, listen
you really need to clean your thoughts now
you're in that circle again,
you know that?
don't let bad memories get the best of you

but I feel too pale to have anything left
I want to get up, but
I can't
I just can't
I
can't remember the last time I felt so terrible

well, I can
and trust me
it's always getting better

so?

so get up
trust me

but I feel...

it's okay to feel that way
but you need to get up
feelings change

so I get up
turn up the music
head into the kitchen and celebrate one of the worst mornings this year
just to say one sentence:

"to hell with that"

and sometimes this concludes a whole conversation