it's her.

thought of you.

there is this one song he sings and I am your babe again
I mean
it's been years since the last time I looked into your eyes and found my girl in them,
but
he sings this song
and I remember the feeling of your arms around my waist and your smell that felt like the most beautiful drug to me
you were my wonderful first love
my first heartbreak
my first everything I wanted at that time

and I smile
your parents still don't know about our hand-holding-in-public-still-kissing-when-no-one's-watching, but
don't get me wrong
we both know that we wasn't meant to stay together
I thank God
but
it's so nice to know that we had that love
even if it feels a life time ago,
don't you agree?

I remember us walking through the woods, making picnic breaks in summer, cause you literally hated staying in school
I remember your mother cooking, your father driving in his grey car and the tiny little scar on your lip that scared the shit out of me
I remember you doing flips in the garden and always wearing tops and converse
it's nice cause you never stopped singing and always wanted to do sports
you introduced me to our school choir
and I am still thankful for that

let's be honest
I am thankful for a lot of things,
but girl
you know that you should've thanked me too

I really hope you didn't stop loving to draw from time to time
just like
this little town in bavaria you always called your home

do you remember us eating waffles and watching t.v. by your grandpa?
your grannie always smiling when I fell asleep
and I still fall asleep a lot
still look for your crazy uncle and your fancy auntie
still know the name of this one cat from the street and your favourite handball player

how could I forget?
this has nothing to do with resting feelings
it's about old memories which I am grateful to have

we started with twelve as I met your lips and now it's 8 years, new relationships (yours, not mine), graduations and moving 300 kilometres away later
wow
it happened so fucking much
and
I realized that if we'd met again in the future I wouldn't really know who you are
how could I?
thinking you'd be the same as with 16 would mean that I am the same since then too
and even though my friends call me a weirdo, I am not that much of a fool

all I know is the memories we shared

riding bikes on the fields
having tiny little adventures and dreaming bigger dreams than we could have seen for our future

here we are
at least
here am I
and funny story, but
I met someone who wears your name
she always used to say:

"I'd wish you the best,
but you already had it"

and I really wish you great things in life,
especially more than your parents allow you to reach,
cause since I went through your door I experienced what this actually means